Saturday, December 31, 2011

A Presidency

August 2004 Keynote address to DNC

November 2004 Elected US Senator from Illinois

January 2005 Assumes Senate seat; immediately begins campaign for Presidency.

January 2005 – November 2008 Senate seat essentially vacant due to “extracurricular activities” of the Senator.

January 2009 Inaugurated President of the United States.

January 2009 – June 2009 Dabbles feet in pool of administration.

June 2009 – present Campaigns for reelection POTUS.

Actual time served on the job during the seven years of the past two jobs he has held: You figure it out.

Career of the Campaigner in Chief

Friday, December 30, 2011

Outrage Wins

Much as I believe the word "outrage" is abused beyond all reasonable bounds these days, I herewith report that Verizon has backed off the $2 payment fee due to the, ah, dissatisfaction of their customers.

Learning Curve

Verizon to charge $2 fee for online payments

Verizon has learned from its banking compatriots who, as I say, never saw a fee they didn't like; and who will never hesitate to invent a new one if all the old ones are used. So now, if you are a Verizon customer who pays on-line, you get to pay a two dollar per use fee for the privilege of paying your bill!


[Been with AT&T through its Cingular permutation and back again. Be interesting to see their response.]

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Ooooh! Boo!

Newscaster says the government is going to start monitoring social networks to further secure our safety and well-being; alerted us that such words as "infectious" and "outbreak" and "collapse" could be trip-wires to direct the monitors to your blogsite, twitter account, or facebook page.


Here's an idea. Let's all create an infectious outbreak of weird posts until the monitoring system collapses. I need to do something to boost traffic on this blog!

Oh, flaw. The posts on this blog are already mostly weird. But innocuous.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Sue Somebody

News clip: "Texas Gov. Rick Perry’s campaign announced Tuesday it will file a lawsuit in an attempt to get on the ballot for Virginia’s Republican presidential primary."

Yet another frivolous suit clogging up the courts.

Monday, December 26, 2011


Gingrich: “I think those for whom the only issue that really matters is the definition of marriage, I won’t get their support. I accept that as reality. On the other hand, for those to whom it’s not the central issue in their life, if they care about job creation, if they care about national security, if they care about a better future for the country at large, then I think I’ll get their support.”

Q: So what if it is the biggest issue?

Gingrich: Then I won’t get their support.

Q: How do we engage if you’re elected. Then what, what does that mean?

Gingrich: Well then you engage in every topic except that.

Q: Except it’s most important (some crosstalk).

Gingrich: Well, if that’s most important to you then you should be for Obama.

Q: I am, thank you (The two men shake hands).

Gingrich: It’s perfectly legitimate. I think it’s perfectly legitimate.

Sunday, December 25, 2011


Christmas Day. Just Spouse and I, a Scrabble game and Christmas music. I feel so liberated! No frenetic activity; no gorging indiscriminately; no hordes of people, squabbling kids, bickering adults. Ah! Peace on Earth, at least on this little patch of it.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Love My Neighbors

Herk said, "The Mizzus and I have been talking about a much-needed vacation. We agreed we needed to get away from it all. Then I came home from work last night and discovered that she had booked a cruise for the two of us.

"I says to her, 'If we were going to get away from it all, why would we go together?' and then it started..."

"Merry Christmas, Herk," I said. "See you later."

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Man goes to doctor; comes home without shirt.

However this might be taken, in this case it is literal. Removed my shirt in dermatologist's exam room. When ready to leave, put on jacket, forgot shirt. Didn't even realize this until I was home, removed jacket and wondered why it was so chilly in the house.

And I really like that shirt, too. But it's a seventy-mile roundtrip. Oh, well.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

From One Who Cared More

Since all that I can ever do for thee
is nothing
Then this my prayer must be
That thou mayst never guess
or ever see
The all-endured this nothing done
costs me.

Friday, December 16, 2011


do you make an elephant float?

Two scoops of ice cream, carbonated water, and some elephant.

Thursday, December 15, 2011


is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up
as the brain empties. -Renard

Wednesday, December 14, 2011


a man lives
only so much

as he spins
in the mind

of a woman

Which clearly is to say, I do want to keep me on your mind.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I've Got Some Stuff

Seller on American Pickers: You can't sell memories; you can only sell stuff.

True. Memories are until you lose them. Stuff is convertible- to cash.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Joy to the World!

In the spirit of the season of "peace and goodwill," I won't be offended if you wish me "Happy Holidays!" Please don't be offended when I wish you a "Merry Christmas!" Thank you.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

The Lie Every Man Should Tell...

...if he wishes to maintain amity within the home.
"I was wrong."
He should say those words, too, when they are not a lie. "Sorry" wouldn't hurt, either.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Kansas Wisdom

While Mr. Obama was in Kansas yesterday, someone should have reminded him that "fair" is where the 4-H kids go to show their pigs.

Monday, December 5, 2011


News reader: President Obama will speak in Ossa-wuh-tom'-ee, Kansas tomorrow.
(That would be Osawatomie, I assume.)
No reason an East-Coast type should know it is Ossa-wah'-ta-mee, but don't they have a gazetteer, or dictionary, or something?

[No reason I should know, either, except that a)I have lived in Kansas; and b)I have a good friend who was from Osawatomie.]

Sunday, December 4, 2011


Trip to Marion, 35 miles.
Light rain; stoplight on 37 at 22. Light turns to green. Hit gas. Whirrrrr! Back off gas.
Big light on dash
Duh. I've been driving sixty years. I need a light to tell me the wheels were spinning.

And people wonder why cars cost a left arm and a right leg.

Verizon Wireless makes major marketing, airwave deal with cable firms

...and for whom is this good news?

Bodes ill for the consumer, I daresay.

Saturday, December 3, 2011


5:40 P.M. First Saturday in December. Driving through town, stopped for light at Main and Jeff, "Busy Corner." Town in near-darkness, Christmas decorations, such as they are, providing little light. In four blocks through town center, exactly two cars parked.

The flashback: In my mind's eye, I saw this same corner, first Saturday in December forty years ago. It was a hoppin' place. Christmas lights forming an archway crossing the street the entire four blocks I had just driven through! Santa's house ablaze with lighted toys and candy canes on the courthouse lawn. Business establishments, for they did exist, open and doing business with the hundreds of folks downtown, probably ten percent of the town's population of five thousand.

2011. Drab, dull, lifeless, all five thousand inhabitants either home or in some other town?
Progress? Are things better now than they were forty years ago? I think not. And I do not believe that that is nostalgia talking.

Friday, December 2, 2011

The Pot and the Kettle

Mitt Romney lashes out at Gingrich; charges he is a “professional politician.”

Let me get this straight. Romney ran for US Senate in 1994; was President Winter Olympics, 2002; ran for governor of Massachusetts, 2002; served as governor 2003-2007; ran for President of US, 2008; currently campaigning for President of US.

What exactly, Mitt, does it take to earn the designation “professional politician”?

Thursday, December 1, 2011

What Do You Think?

My footnote comment on the last post occupied some of my waking hours in the middle of the night. Dad used to say, "The only thing in the newspaper you can believe is Alley Oop."

If he could see what passes for "news" on today's TV I don't know what he'd say; but it would not be complimentary.

It seems to me, and I suppose I could be wrong, that news media, both print and air, have two aims, or missions, if you will. a) to titillate, and b) to indoctinate, not necessarily in that order.

objectivity: word, the meaning of which is totally unknown to "news reporter" types.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Believe the News, But Verify

Heard a snippet on a news channel about "college students who are protesting failure of health insurance to provide contraceptives."

My thoughtless thought, before investigation, was, "Yeah, I favor the insurance company buying their contraceptives-- to the exact same extent that insurance bought mine when I was young."

Truth: Fordham University has a policy (about which an enrollee should be familiar before registering) based on official Catholic doctrine (it is a Catholic school) against providing or paying for contraception. (I have truncated this, but that is the nub.)

What? You are enrolling at Fordham and you don't know it is a Catholic school. Give me a break.

Same people who take their news from TV without question.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011


About to go to bed. No where else to go, what with all the snow. News says the backup on US 31 is "miles long" and people are running out of gas while sitting. That would be what? Zero mpg.

At least we have power. Same news said there were "thousands" without power in the vicinity.

Rain would have worked. Oh, wait. We had buckets and buckets of rain before it turned to snow. Witness the ponds in the back yard. No, they are snow covered now, too.

Hope the wind dies down soon.

Professional Conflict

Spouse (filling her meds strips): P__. Isn't that the one they said was bad?
I: Who said?
She: The TV. Bad drug.
I: The lawyers advertising on TV. Who you gonna take your medical advice from, your doctor or a lawyer?
She: Both, maybe.
I: If I need medical advice I'm gonna take it from my doctor. In fact, if I need legal advice I may take it from my doctor.

Monday, November 28, 2011

She Got That Right

Spouse: Please shut that off.
I: But how can Bob Warr come up with smart-alecky comments for the blog if the news isn't on?
She: I get so tired of that stuff. Why are we giving them twenty million dollars, and they don't even like us?
I: See. There's the comment!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

I'm Fried

A friend wrote:

I woke up,
I lifted my arms,
I moved my knees,
I turned my neck...

Everything made the same noise:


I came to a conclusion
I am not old,

Happens to me every morning. I must be pretty near "done."

Friday, November 25, 2011

Not to Worry

As Lucy Van Pelt theorizes: The world can't come to an end today, because it is already tomorrow in some other part of the world.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

And a Little Farther Down the Road

I: When did ugly become the new beautiful?
She: What are you talking about?
I: Look at these cars. They're all just ugly. Why have auto designers done this?
Look at that one passing us. It looks like a piece of turd.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

On The Road

Spouse: There's another dead deer. Third one in the last ten miles.
I: They're a real menace everywhere.
She: They ought to allow shooting them any time, not just during a "season."
I: As we allowed the killing of bison?
She: The Indians depended on them for their livelihood, and we hunted them almost to extinction.
I: So we learned our lesson.
She: Yes, how to defeat the Indians.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


[Obama] is Jimmy Carter on steroids. -O. North 11/22/11

--see vanilla's post, three years ago today. Remember, after the election, before the inauguration.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Super Duds

Select from a pool of 535 hammerheads a group of twelve and they will come up with a rational solution to the problem. No. You will simply have a smaller pool of hammerheads.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Sports Report

Colts three-point underdog for bye week.

Indiana HS semi-state football tourney to be played at 78 sites; 39 State Champions will emerge next week-end!
Move afoot to create 308 classes; everyone a champion.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Mea Culpa, or Not

“final decisions on Solyndra were mine, and I made them with the best interest of the taxpayer in mind.” -Energy Secretary Steven Chu

"Solyndra makes Watergate look like child's play." -Rep. Michele Bachmann

...and what Bob said last month.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

"If a man falls from a plane in the middle of the night
only God can lift him up..."

(from "Born to Dream")
Israeli Poet Dahlia Ravikovitch
Nov 17, 1936 - Aug 21, 2005

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

tuesday's child is full of grace

I: (Looking at 2012 calendar) My birthday is on Thursday next year. I was born on Thursday. She: Really? I don't know the day of the week I was born. I: You were born on Tuesday. She: How would you know that? I: Your name is Grace, isn't it? She: So?

"Monday's child is fair of face
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day
Is bonny and blithe and good and gay."

(Checking with a perpetual calendar, I verified that she was born on Tuesday.)

Monday, November 14, 2011

Hoosiers, California Style

Scene from The Closer:

Boy: We used to go hiking in Poke-a-GON' State Park back home in Indiana.

Hey, Hollywood: In Indiana we say Po-KAY'-gun.

Do you remember when you set a sitcom in Terra Hut? At the very least, call someone who has been in Indiana.
Spelling: Pokagon; Terre Haute

Sunday, November 13, 2011

I Di'n't Say That

Bagger: Paper or plastic?

Guy in front of me: Surprise me. I'm bisacksual.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Political Survey

Is this David?
Would you participate in a brief political survey?
First question. Do you think President Obama is doing a good job? Press 1 for "yes." Press 2 for "no."
(Presses 2)
Question two. Do you believe the country is headed in the right direction? Press...yadayada.
(Presses 2)
What is your party affiliation? Press 1 for "democrat" (of course); Press 2 for "republican;"press 3 for "independent;" press 4 for "other."
(Presses 3)

Friday, November 11, 2011

Trojan Horse, Anyone?

Spouse, watching a "Life Lock" commercial: Do we have our computer protected to where people can't get into it?

I: We have it protected to where even I can't get into it, I've installed so many layers of protection.

Economic Reality

The Fed says we are not in inflation. I say, "Ben Bernanke, come to the grocery store with me." --Gerri Willis

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Traffic? Normal.

You know that Chicago traffic is bad when the lady beside you on the highway is knitting. You know it is REALLY bad when you pass her again in three miles and she is trying on her new sweater!

--Nephew Merrill, who lives in Elmhurst and works downtown.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

More Horse Hockey

Crap. Here we go again. We "gained an hour" this morning. We did not. We simply inflicted on ourselves the second half of the hour wasted resetting all the clocks in the house. (I count sixteen, not including the watches in the drawer that are not in use at the time.) "At the time." Get it?

Saturday, November 5, 2011

First She Says She Will, Then She Won't

"That woman," said Herk, "is gonna be the death of me. Yesterday she liked it, today she doesn't."

"So," said I, "everyone knows it is a woman's prerogative to change her mind."

"Inconsistency your name is woman!" Herk left the garage shaking his head.

I did not tell Herk, but my wife often says, "The only thing I am consistent about is being inconsistent." And that's the truth.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Dang, I'm Good!

Uncle Edgster says, "Never underestimate your ability to overestimate your ability."*

I attribute the proclivity of the young to do just that to the "positive-self-esteem, you-can-be-anything-you-want" horse hockey they are being taught these days.

*The Edge, in The Oregonian

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Addressing Responsibility

Bruce Wydick, Professor of Economics at San Francisco University wrote,

"Like most protests, the Occupy Wall Street folks are better at identifying something that is wrong than identifying a way forward that is right.

"The Occupy Wall Street movement shares more than it would like to admit with the Tea Party, its populist complement on the right. Rather than taking the approach of self-reflection and personal ownership of sin that Jesus imparts to his followers, each of these movements seeks to externalize blame onto a culpable Other. It is Immigrants or Muslims or Obamacare or Greedy Corporations or Corrupt Wall Street Financiers who are to blame for our problems. But obviously not … Us."

The article from which I extracted these quotes appeared here and it is a bit long, but well worth the time it takes to read it. Only serious-minded people need apply.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

President Obama Waves...

...his magic wand, er, ah, pen. With the stroke of his mighty pen the president yesterday resolved the "drug shortage" crisis.

Remember that in 1952 President Truman seized the steel industry? (Like he could run the blast furnaces from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?) The Supreme Court of the United States ruled that the President had not the power to do this.

I wonder where the Supreme Court is today.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Billions Yet to Come

Yesterday, we are told, the population of the earth surpassed seven billion persons. The hand- wringers moan that the planet will not be able to support us. Which is absurd. Though it is not equitably distributed, there is food enough for everyone and more. The waste is unbelievably huge. Space? Arithmetic will show that seven billion people could be contained in a space the size of Texas at a density comparable to that of present-day density of NYC.

Yea! for the world. Yea! for mankind. Let's go; let's grow. But let's become more responsible, more caring.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Sports Report

Goldilocks and the Colts are now nil-eight.

Someone said there was a World Series. Does anyone know who won? Does anyone know who the opponent was?

Vaguely recall that "World Series" might have something to do with baseball.

Happy Halloween. Don't take any candy apples. (Yes, life was better before there were so many sickos.)

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Church Growth

I was talking to the Spouse about an article on church growth in today's society. She said,

It's a tough time to build up a church, trying to reach "heatherns"(sic) because they won't listen. It's not like the days when people were a lot more gullible and didn't have anything to do, so when a revival or a carnival would come to town it was an event. They'd go to a revival to listen to a hell-fire preacher and maybe be convicted and get saved.

So I got to thinking. "Sophistication" and a plethora of choices for entertainment might indeed be a couple of factors impeding the growth of the church. But people need the Message just as much as they ever did.

Saturday, October 29, 2011


Herkimer came in while I was sharpening my axe, sparks flying off the grindstone. I shut it off, and as the motor wound down, Herk said,

I told Tildy I was thinking about new diamond earrings for her birthday, but she has such a sparkling personality that giving her jewelry would be like sending coal to Newcastle. I thought she'd be flattered. There is a difference between "sparkling" and "sparks flying."

Thursday, October 27, 2011

The Great Experiment

Superintendent of Schools, large district, explaining the difficulty of managing a public school system said, We have to take everyone, the blind, the crippled, and the crazy.

There has been outrage expressed.

True, it may not have been a "sensitive" thing to say, but it is the truth.

Some people don't want the truth.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Caffeinate Me

Old people's social bash last night.1
Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's brew.2

I've not been terribly concerned about "global warming." Not, that is, until I read that it may ultimately be the cause of coffee going extinct. *gasp* Oh, wait. Even if so, I'd have to live to be 396 years of age to see that happen.

1"night" = 6:30 - 8:30
2Not original with me, but true, nevertheless.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

OWS Update

Chicago: Oers angry with Mayor Emanuel and city police for arresting demonstrators.1
"I mean, all we were doing was breaking the law, ya know?"

Seattle: Protester carrying sign

"College loan repayment--
Indentured servitude."2

"I mean, you owe it to me, ya know?"

Uh, yeah. We know.
1WGN-TV Chicago, 10/24/11
2Any left-of-center press recently, e.g., Huffington Post.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Woodstock on Wall Street

continues. Guess not yet enough snow and ice.

And yet disaffected people can do unseemly things in public for only so long.

Pushed His Buttons

TV news clip shows man, incensed because he received an email addressed to "Resident Idiot" purportedly from a prestigious university.

An appropriate and intelligent response would be to laugh and delete the message. He, on the other hand, enraged, called the news crews, thereby proving the sender of the message to be correct.

Tip: Catch those media types on a slow news day. Fifteen seconds of notoriety.

Saturday, October 22, 2011


Herk just wandered into the garage. I glanced up and noted that he looked pretty dejected.

"What's happening, Herk?" Though I should have known better than to ask.

"I just don't know where I've gone wrong. I try so hard to make that woman happy. She just told me, 'Herkimer, the budget is in a bit of a crunch, so I think you should take a staycation this winter while my sister and I take a Caribbean cruise.'"

Friday, October 21, 2011


Printed this out in poster format. I am going to slip it to Tildy so she can hang it in her kitchen. For Herk's good, doncha know?

Disclaimer: I just copied this. I know that "woman" is not spelled with an "e". --Bob

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Bob Barker

what do you know about animal capture? Ninny.

"Here, Kitty, Kitty. Come on down!"

Libya: What Next?

I: Did you hear that Khaddafi was killed?

Spouse: Oh, good.

I: Why would you say that? We are supposed to mourn when people die.

Spouse: He was evil; he killed hundreds of people. An eye for an eye. He didn't have enough eyes, so they killed his whole body.


It is quite clear that the internet server gives its quality bandwidths to "premium" customers during rush hours. The rest of us (dummies) get to travel down the back alleys, dodging garbage cans, dumpsters, and stray cats, hoping to arrive sometime this morning at the selected destination. What do you get when you pay a hundred twenty bucks a month for cable connection? Robbed.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Politics in the Home

She said, Why doesn't that Ging Newtrich just give it up?

I am "bwahahahaha" busting a gut.

Well, she said, my tongue got all tangled up.

Sounded to me like her tang was tonguelled.

Then ensued a serious discussion as to why GN should never be anyone's nominee.
Nor should Rott Mimney.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

All Equal in God's Sight, But on a Human Scale...

it seems about an even trade to me. I just read that the Israelis traded 1027 prisoners to Hamas for one Israeli citizen.

Another Hour for Reading

No point watching House since Lisa Edelstein has moved on.

And we did Cheers and Becker. Enough Ted Danson; so goodbye, CSI.

Monday, October 17, 2011

No Kidding

"We have wonderful, healthy foods if people want to buy them. But they don't sell particularly well." --Andy Puzder, CEO of CKE Restaurants (Hardees, Carl's Jr.)

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Then the Benediction

"Every head is bowed and every eye is closed."

How does the preacher know that? He has faith in the power of suggestion, whereas I have faith in human nature. I'd like to bet him five bucks on that.

And no, it won't be me looking around. I'm a good little sheep.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Correct, But Wrong

Tildy exclaimed, "I lose another twenty pounds I'll be a hot chick!"

To which Herk replied, "You'll be a smaller old hen, but you'll never be a chick again."

That man just never learns.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Symphony in My Head

Are there cicadas in that tree? (meaning the one to my right.)

She: I don't hear anything.

I: I think October is way too late for cicadas.

She: Poor Baby. It's no wonder you're grouchy.

I: I'm not grouchy.

She: No, you've not been today. But then I was asleep all afternoon.

I: What does that tell you?

I have tinnitus, have had for many years. It's presentations seem to be getting more bizarre.
Cicadas to the right-- constant, warbling buzz. Crickets to the left-- chirk. chirk. chirk.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

You Have To Be...

...of a certain age to get this.

There is yet work to be done.
The desire to do it is strong.
The vision of the finished project is clear.

The energy to do it doesn't exist.

(Snore softly if you "get" this.)

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Playing With a Full Deck

I: The presidential primary field is set, so they say. And I was hoping a Knight in Shining Armor would emerge from the herd and rescue us from ourselves. Guess it's not going to happen.

Spouse: Or a Princess.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Rain and Frost Will Cool Them

What started out as shenanigans by dopey college students and superannuated hippies is being coopted by the labor unions and the far-left progressive politicians who see gains to be made by support of a "populist movement."

So long as it is not a tea party.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

A Bridge Too Far

Your car is a rolling wifi hotspot!

Toyota: Internet while you drive!

Axiom One: You can't stop progress.
Axiom Two: You can't fix stupid.

Dozed off the Colts were leading 24-14. But they managed to wrest defeat from the beast of victory once again.

Friday, October 7, 2011

TV. You've Got To Be Kidding!

Thursday used to be a TV night, but with the advent of the new season, we find that every dramatic or comedic program now offered is written by male 13-year old seventh graders.

This actually drove me to HGTV which was offering a program called "Selling New York." Inside nine minutes, I was literally in hate with every person portrayed. Who are these twits? Nevermind. I don't give a crap.

Thank God for boardgames.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Mind Like a Sieve

I just composed a three-sentence post in my mind. Create-page load + two minute distraction, and I have completely forgotten it. It was a really great idea, too!

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Investment Portfolio

“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal.
Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal." --Jesus

Saturday, October 1, 2011


I was in the middle of reassembling an engine and encountering the tiniest bit of frustration with it when Herkimer walked into the garage. He started talking to me, apropos of nothing, as is his wont.

Presently I heard him say, "The key to a happy marriage is the one that starts the car when I need to get away from her for a while."

"I thought your path to happiness," I said, "was the one from your kitchen door to my garage, seeing you are here whenever I am."

"Haha," laughed Herk. "You are a riot, Bob."

Friday, September 30, 2011

Interpret This

I dreamed about my dad's hometown last night. I have been there but once in "real life" and I was trying to pick out the landmarks that he had mentioned. In my dream, I mean. I talked to some old lady about 85 years old who would have been a baby when Dad left that town. The town was (in the dream) just as Dad described it; but when I awakened I couldn't recall that he had ever told me any of those details.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Just Rolling Along

A local dealer assures us via his tv spots that he has the best selection of quality veekles in the area. He refers to these veekles three times in his 20-second spot.

Anyone in the market for a veekle?

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Animal Behavior

I went into the kitchen to get a refill in the coffee mug. When I returned to the dining room, the "guest" dog was standing atop the table. One rather expects such socially unacceptable behavior from cats, but from a dog?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Monday, September 26, 2011

Get Caffeinated!

Study indicates women who drink four or more cups of regular coffee per day may have 20% less chance of depression.

Go for it!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Three-day Reprieve

Herk came over and told me he just sent Tildy to a three-day stress management seminar, said, "I feel less stressed already!"

Wish I could say the same.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Thursday, September 22, 2011

What's Happening?

On String Too Short to Tie this morning I explained what is going on here in Perfect.

Herk Bitterman will still be around on Saturdays.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Here We Go Again

September 21, 2011 6:09:06 PM

The House rejected a resolution Wednesday to fund the government through Nov. 18.


The aches and pains keep me aware that I'm still alive and breathing. They remind me to be grateful for the long life and the hope for tomorrow.

--Bob Warr

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Rain on My Parade

I have to get off this now and drive thirty-five miles to visit with a surgeon.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Kids Messing With Buddy's Mind

"Four score and seven years ago, I kissed Emily Costa," said the kid portraying Lincoln.
Last time I attempted to act in a play, I did just as well. I was terrified and would have said anything to get off stage. And likely did. I don't remember.
--Bob Warr

Sunday, September 18, 2011


"I wish that preacher would cut it off. Second Sunday in a row the Methodists have beat us to the Brunch Buffet."
"Looka that, hadda wait seventeen minutes for a table."
"Oh, wow! You shoulda seen that game last night. Double overtime and we didn't get home until midnight. What excitement! And we won!"

Saturday, September 17, 2011

The Bittermans Play Jeopardy

The Jeopardy answer was, "This student of Socrates founded an academy in Athens in 327 B.C."
"Who is Plato?" said Tildy.
"I thought Plato was stuff in cans that kids play with," retorted Herkimer.
"Ha ha," Tildy replied.

Herk was not joking. He is clueless in, oh, so many ways.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Spongebob Squeezed Dry

Study suggests that watching just nine minutes of "Spongebob Squarepants" can cause short term attention and learning problems in four-year olds.*--News article

If the kid isn't watching this because he's stupid, not to worry, it will make him stupid.

*Have to wonder what the "researchers" have been watching.

Thursday, September 15, 2011


Niece got a new bicycle. I am happy for her. More speeds than Baskin-Robbins has flavors, more money than I have in my checking account. So I was thinking as I rode my bicycle to town. Same protocol as my first bike. 26" one-speed, coaster brake. You wanna go faster, you pedal faster. You want to stop, you pedal backwards. Simple. I can understand that. And I can still do the mechanical work.*

*Although last time I lubed her, I dropped the little balls out of the front race. Had a dickens of a time finding them all on the garage floor.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


event, n. pl. events White House press release term meaning nothing is happening, there is nothing to say, but the President will be there saying it. The President will speak this afternoon at a Rose Garden event.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Football, You Bet!

What's the black thing under their eyes for?

What's that heavy material up their butts? To keep their crack from showing?

Why's all that material wrapped around their arms?

Staps on his biceps are digging a hole in his arm.

I bet it really hurts to wear that plastic cup.

What is the point? They flip a coin at the beginning, it hits the ground and then for two hours they're trying to "get the quarter back"?

I used to be quite a fan of college football, especially on Saturday afternoons in the fall. I haven't watched it much the past few years, for my Beloved Beautiful Better Half has, well, zero interest in sports. You know the saying "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"? Okay, I try to do the right thing. But switcheroo! Saturday she made an effort to "help me watch football." And thus the observations in the opening lines here.

Monday, September 12, 2011


If I am to maintain this blog in the spirit in which it was conceived I will need to carry a pen and note pad with me at all times. I hear these outrageous comments by politicians, pundits and others on the toob and think, "Aha! That will go on BW'nPF." And yet by the time I sit down at the computer, I have forgotten the specific words.* Yes, I remember who said it and the gist of what was said, but if one cannot quote accurately, he can but misquote; and that is a form of misrepresentation that I won't engage in.

So I console myself with the knowledge that you probably heard it too, or something at least as foolish, for there is more than enough foolishness to go around.

A recent discussion, for example, centered around the question, "Recycle or Recovery?" It was about ideas, not aluminum cans.

*Just as I often think of something I want to google, can't remember what it was when at computer.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Be of Good Courage

From Psalm 27

1: The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
14: Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Now, That's Shopping!

Tildy came home from shopping a bit shaken. "I was mugged on Second Avenue," she told Herk. "He took my purse, everything. My phone, my billfold, Mother's meds.
"My, gosh," said Herk. "I'm glad you're okay, but we've got to call the card companies."
"Oh, don't worry, that's not a problem. I maxed both of them out on stuff I ordered at Tiffany's and Saks."

Friday, September 9, 2011


The harder you fall, the harder it is to get up.

Did you break something? Would have been nice could you have broken the fall.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

He DQed Too Early

Local Dairy Queen truly RiDQulous. Seven o'clock this morning a young man drove his car right through the wall and into the dining area.

Manager says drive-thru will be opened soon. DQing in, not quite so soon.

...and the Next President Is...

The campaign is officially underway. As though it hadn't been underway since the tally was taken at the last election.

To be a candidate, one must

  1. have chutzpah, and

  2. more chutzpah; and

  3. be good looking, and

  4. have lots of OPM; and

  5. have even more of OPM, and

  6. be totally unctious; and

  7. be completely self-absorbed and yet

  8. be able to convince voters that s/he cares about them.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Be Happy

Being rich is life's greatest booby prize. --Jim Koch

(One wonders, though, if it might be easier for the rich to say such things.)

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


My observation leads me to the conclusion that there are two types of American families: dysfunctional and alienated. In a dysfunctional family at least something is still going on.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Not Kidding

A President needs political understanding to run the government, but he may be elected without it.
--Harry S. Truman

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Cortisone, Girth, and Exile

It seems that Tildy told Herk that the ambient noise created by the TV being on all the time was causing her to gain weight. Some quasi-scientific mumbo-jumbo about cortisone, yakkety-yak. Herk told her that her knife and fork were causing her to gain weight. So Herkimer is over here in my garage watching me work.

Friday, September 2, 2011


Everybody who thinks he is anybody writes a memoir, some even though they are not possibly old enough to have lived a sufficient time in which to accrue wisdom and/or knowledge in large enough store to provide material for a memoir. But on to my point.

Certain recent memoirists seem to believe that they can make themselves bigger by cutting their peers off at the knees.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

What d'ya Know?

I possess a vast store of ignorance, much larger than my body of knowledge.

A veritable treasure-trove of not-knowing.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

T-Mobile, AT&T, and DoJ

The U.S. Department of Justice sued to block AT&T’s proposed $39 billion acquisition of T-Mobile USA, saying the deal would "substantially lessen competition" in the wireless market. The complaint was filed today in federal court in Washington.

The which I sort of alluded to in a post on String Too Short to Tie several weeks ago.

Hurry! Hurry!

email is the new snailmail-- far too slow for today's whippersnappers.

...and did you know that phone etiquette now requires that you text in advance to let someone know you are going to call them?
Yeah, right. That'll be the day, ooh, ooh, ooh, uh.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011


Why is it that I know the phone numbers of Empire Flooring and Ken Nunn, atty at law*, but I don't know my own cell number?

*Neither of whom I have ever called.

Home Economics

Last month, I (a) gave AT&T free money, or (b) my cell phone usage cost me $38.06 per minute. Which way should I parse this?

Monday, August 29, 2011

En garde! Thrust and Perry

What governor of my second most-favorite state just a few months ago wanted to withdraw from the Union, now wants to be president of the very country from which he was threatening to secede? Or did I miss something?


Stifling, humid, hot
Cicadas sang me to sleep
Robin's song woke me.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

On the Web

Herk said that he told Tildy that she and her mother should have a website where they could post their best ideas. Said they could call it "Wikiwacky."

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Campers' Club

Old people leave their comfortable homes to drive a hundred miles each way in their 35 foot RVs to park within fifty yards of each other and play cards on a picnic table for three days. What?



The earthquake in the DC area this week prompted the President to inform us that the epicenter was along the previously little-known Bush's Fault.

Someone else claimed that it was the result of the early statesmen of our country rolling over in their graves.

Und so weiter.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Kids Playing in Neighbor's Yard

tunny bits, said roscoe.
you mean "tuna" bits, roscoe?
no, dan rabbit, i mean tunny bits.
oh, rabbit it is then. would you like fries with that?
flickin ratzen katzen jimmin rammin. don't you unnerstans nuffin?
now that's some mighty fine cussin, right there.
I'se not yore cuzzin, cuz'n, said roscoe.
then whufore is you swearin up such a swear?
jis funnin witcha.
ain't funny, roscoe. nock it off.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

A Tale of Two Governors

We've long chosen our entertainment idols more on the basis of looks than on the foundation of talent.

We pick our political leaders the same way, apparently. "Well, he looks presidential." The two republican front-runners surely bring that to the table if nothing else.

It is a well-known fact that "looking good" is more important than any other factor in success.

And looking good and being rich is aces up.

Monday, August 22, 2011

True Story

Lucy said, "Madame Jeannine gave me partial credit on a French quiz when I hadn't studied the animal names. I wrote "le oink, la moo," etc...She said at least I got the feminines and masculines correct.

Saturday, August 20, 2011


In Luke 5 we find a very tired Peter who had been working all night with no results. Nevertheless, though skeptical, he is obedient to the call of the Master to "launch out into the deep" and lower the nets.

Then when the miraculous haul is brought in, Peter bows before Jesus and says, Go hang out somewhere else, for we are not on the same wavelength. You are holy and I am a rapscallion.

Jesus then tells Peter that he will make him a "catcher of people" rather than a fish catcher.

Then, Peter leaves all, forsakes everything he has ever known and follows Christ.

What must we forsake in order to be Christ followers?


Herk's Not a Fan of TV

Herk dropped by last evening. Told me Tildy was watching "The Good Wife." Said he was glad to see her getting into self-improvement programs.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Ogden Nash

Why did the Lord give us agility,
If not to evade responsibility?

--Ogden Nash, American poet,
August 19, 1902 - May 19, 1971

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Bitterman's Dictionary

To do over and over again something that doesn't work is the definition of something-- I've forgotten what it is.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


School starts today in the hometown. The state has decreed that "cursive writing" is no longer required to be taught in schools. I suppose that at some point in the past it was decreed that cuneiform would no longer be taught; and look where that got us.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Initially, I Thought...

ED, LowT, OCD, ADD, RA, AFib.

Getcher NSAIDS here. Or go see Alice.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

sheesh is petitioning for the marriage of Bert and Ernie. r u kidding? They're puppets, for crying out loud. Get a life. And keep it out of our kids' entertainment media.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Or, Same O', Same O'

"Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose"

About Herkimer's Past

Herk told me that when he was in high school he took his Dad's current wife, Lyla, to the prom.

"Well," he said, "she wasn't Dad's wife then. She was just Ly. She sat in front of me in social studies class."

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Yard Work

Third day. Crabgrass, weeds, mosquitoes, ants, gnats. Bumblebee. Finger strength gone, holes in gloves. Quit.

Child of Desire

My sister's novel is published! Tate Publishing announced Thursday that the title is available through their house on-line bookstore. It will be in Barnes and Noble and other outlets on November 8. It is available both in print format and as download for digital readers.

Are we proud of our little sister? I should say so! I was privileged to have been one of her "readers" to whom she entrusted her first draft for comments.

"All you gotta do is..."

my wife says. Thirty-eight out of thirty-nine times she couldn't do it (nor could I), and yet in her idealized and highly over-simplified view of how things work, "all I gotta do" is...

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

High School Sports Season

has started again. If you don't want to be yelled at and pushed around a bit, don't turn out, Pudd'npop.

The rest of you, work hard, give it your best, and good luck!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Lemon Aid

The Missuz and I, listening to the not-yet two-year-old washing machine clunking and clanking and wheezing:
I: Something seriously wrong with that thing, or is it supposed to be that noisy?
She: I think we got a lemon, like everything else we buy.
I: No doubt. I think we were put on this earth to absorb the lemons so someone else wouldn't have to.

Monday, August 8, 2011

The "Tea Party" downgrade...

Teen Learns Economics from Washington

Herk and Tildy's son, Teen, getting his financial house in order:

Hmmm. Last week I spent $5. I owe Dad 14, but he'll lend me more.
Next week I'll spend the same, except I'm adding 2 for jelly beans and 2
for a new app. Total $9.

Dad says okay; I'll loan you 2 more. But you'll have to cut your spending.

Okay, I say, No problem. I can live without the jelly beans. I'll cut 2.
(I'll spend 7, and look! I cut $2. (9 - 2 = 7).

What? You're saying I spent less last week; how is that a cut?
Shut up, already.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Sunday Again

I was taught from childhood that Sunday is a "day of rest." But now. Now Sunday is the only day of the week in which I have to rise before a specified time, dress in a manner appropriate to public outing, leave the house, again at a specified time, and park my creaky old body in a cramped box called a "pew."

The worship leader is helpful, too. "I invite you to stand," he says, "as we raise our voices to the Lord on hymn number 453. On the first, third and last verses!" It is not an "invitation." It is a directive. And what heresy was the poet promulgating in the second verse? And why does the lyricist always put the heresy in the second verse? Can you recall a time that you actually sang the second verse in church?

But wait! He will "invite" us to stand again to sing the first and last verses of ...

I am very attentive during the sermon. I take notes during the sermon to help me follow attentively. I like the sermon; or I may not like it, but I hear it and hope to heed the word.

Do you know a church where the minister stands up, says "good morning" and then says follow with me as I read from God's Word the basis for today's message, which he then delivers, "invites" the congregation to stand for the benediction, says a brief prayer and walks out?

I might just go to that church.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

More Whining

"Any man says he can't read women is seriously vision impaired. The only thing written there are two big letters about the size of the top line on the eye chart:


--Herk Bitterman

Friday, August 5, 2011


Okay, is it solar flares messing with me, or is this just another of Xfinity's "Constant Guard" screwups?

Forgive Me

I was watching the national weather and it occured to me that I should be truly grateful for the blessings I enjoy. I have whined about the weather being too hot, too dry too long (which it has been).

But when the meteorologist pointed out that it had been over 100 degrees for 36 straight days, with more predicted to come, in Dallas and environs, I thought about the fact that many people live with much less pleasant circumstances than we have here. Tuesday's 115 was really over the top.

Oh, Lord forgive me when I whine. I am so blessed. The world is mine.

Bwa, ha, ha, ha!

I read yesterday afternoon's post to the wife. She could barely stop laughing long enough to say, "Bite me!"

Thursday, August 4, 2011

"Go Like This,"

my spouse says, these words accompanied by much specific hand-waving and gesticulation. (Think "air guitar.)

I am working on whatever project.

Later: "Got'r done!" I say.
She: "Uhuh. And after I told you exactly how I wanted it."

Sometimes there is even the follow-up "I'd rather not have it done than to have it done like I didn't want it."

Blatherer on the Tube

"There is no such thing as a frivolous lawsuit."

This person's profession is _____________.
(One guess per person.)

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


Around four o'clock this morning, I heard rumblings of thunder in the far distance. Closer came the noises, now visible the flashes of lightning. At 4:25 the sky burst open, and the refreshing waters fell! It rained for half-hour.

Thank you, Lord, for the showers.

I will cause the shower to come down in his season; there shall be showers of blessing. --Ezekial 34:26

Snarkiness is placed in abeyance this morning as I offer this prayer of gratitude for the rain!

Who is D.B. Cooper?

The question has tantalized us for forty years. The FBI says it now has new information, and the identity may be revealed.

  1. I prefer it remain a mystery; he will "live" forever as a legendary bad man about whom endless speculation will continue to fascinate and entertain.

  2. I want to know every detail. Did he die? Does he still live? Who were his parents? What size hat does he wear? Yadda, yadda.

Vote (1) or (2)

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

If Only

Can you even imagine what a wonderful world it would be

if when people had nothing to say they didn't say it?

One Nation, Indivisible

Remember when you were a kid you would roll a drop of mercury out onto the sidewalk, then hit it with a hammer?

. . . . . .

. ..

From O to . . . . . .

. . .

instantly. Some force has hit our nation with a hammer. Liberal progressivism? Progressive liberalism? Hardheadedness? Unwillingness or inability to be reasonable?

(I know what you are thinking. He played with mercury? Addled his brain, it did. Oh, yeah? We collected scrap lead, melted it down and made our own sinkers, too. Know how to make shot?)

Monday, August 1, 2011

1986 THS Class Reunion

"The THS Class of 1986 will celebrate its 25-year reunion at..." *

No. Stop! My Baby, that would be my youngest child, graduated with that class.

Twenty-five years? 25 years? A quarter-century? 25...

*Article in local newspaper today.

Farewell, July...

...we hardly knew ye.

(Because you kept us holed up inside the house, your miserable "heat indices" being too high to brave. Our camping was scratched, our discontent grew. You are the driest July in the annals of meteorological record keeping. You have left us, parched, brown, and miserable. Thanks.)

Learning from TV

A possible problem with watching "House" is not that the characters aren't believable, but rather that people might get the idea that they represent the practice of medicine as it really is.

An even bigger problem is the chilling realization that that may be the case.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Latest word

from Oz on the Potomac.

We've been saved!

Now all we need to do is sit back and watch the blame-placers and credit-takers.
'Cause we don't have anything to worry about now.

Thought for Sunday

Dog getting so old, instead of jumping up on the couch and snuggling under my arm, he sits on the floor, staring up at me. Lays his ears back, starts barking. What's that all about? Ask him what he wants, he barks more.

I sometimes wonder if barking is what God hears when we address Him. Not that He cannot understand us, but that we don't know how to address Him.

The directions are in the Book. Fortunately, unlike the dog, we can read the directions.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Another Saturday with Herkimer

"A woman is the only creature known to science who thinks she can change the past by carping about it in the present." --Herk Bitterman

I don't know what it is between Herk and Tildy, and I'm not going to get into it. But he will go on about "stuff."

Friday, July 29, 2011

Solving the Debt Crisis

ML Senator Harry Reid filibusters himself.

"Not a minute to lose" Harry postpones vote for two days.

I know I am missing something here, but it is not my marbles. --Bob Warr

Economic Recovery

"The U.S. economy slowed in the first six months of 2011 to its weakest pace since the recession ended." --WaPo. two minutes ago.

Note how the lapdog press keeps promoting the official admin line.. recession "ended."

I bet there are a few million Americans who would dispute that.

Atheists, Get a Life

The empty-headedness of certain of our fellow citizens demands attention. Two steel I-beams erected in NYC are offensive? Really?

Don't look at them; don't think about them. You've nothing better to do than file lawsuits, willy-nilly and with no logical basis?

What sad and empty lives you lead.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Constitutional Law

So now some democrats are suggesting that the President can unilaterally raise the debt limit under the provision of the Fourteenth Amendment. But for the three pesky words "authorized by law" they might have an argument. Did you notice that they are pretending these words are not there? Well, what did those old dead white guys know, anyway? Eliminate the superfluous verbiage.

Pesky Constitution. How long before someone suggests we don't need it anyway?


$278 to replace a car key. Computer chip, you know. And the car won't start without it.

My first car: flip up the switch on the steering column, press clutch to floorboard, thereby punching starter button. No key needed, unless, of course you wished to lock everything up, and then a coat-hanger would work as a substitute if you lost the key. But no one locked anyway.

Isn't progess/technology wonderful?

(Of course, when you were buying your used car for $35, it can hardly be compared to the $60,000 set of wheels you have now. But a stranded car is a walking driver, no matter how you look at it. No, wait. Take you phone out of your pocket and ...)

Daddy, what's a clutch?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I am Getting Discouraged

It seems to me that one of the roles of the President is to be Encourager-in-Chief. That's not an officially recognized designation, but he should act as though it were. What we are now hearing are discouraging words, threatening words.

The President calls for prime time exposure to the nation for an important address. This has occured from time to time, and these are momentous occasions in the life of the nation. We are under attack, we are going to attack, we have been subjected to a horrendous event, and the President wishes to inform us, encourage us, outline proposals for solutions to the difficulty.

Monday evening the President got his prime time. He offered no solution to our problem, he basically had nothing to say, but he said it very well. He chides and criticizes the congress and points to their responsibility for finding a solution to the crisis. Then he tells us that when they do pass legislation, he will veto it. What? Not that the congress is behaving in a responsible manner, as I have suggested earlier.

Come, Mr. President. Encourage us, at least to the extent that you offer a proposal. And have sufficient courage to sign the legislation if it lands on your desk. Quit thinking about November 2012. You have created within yourself such a habit of running for President that you can't put that down long enough to govern now that you are the President. Every "decision" apparently must be preceded by examination of the question, "How will this affect my chances at re-election?"

Energy Drinks

Your MonsterTM and your RockstarTM will do what for you? Make your thumbs faster for your egames?

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Name That Game!

"Kick the Can"


"Pin the Tail"


"Tug of War"

"A Trip Down a Rabbit Hole"


It cannot be Poker, because that is an adult game. There are no adults in this game.

My Classic Country

..easy listening in the afternoon,

Love doaka measy--Conway Twitty
Why should I key ploving you?-- Freddy Fender
You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Eel--Kenny Rogers
Lard, we had a good thing go ween--George Jones

...and a bonus

Gladly the cross-eyed bear--church hymn
Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me-- church hymn
Gee, these days, old sour red grapes, those were the days-- Edith and Archie Bunker

Monday, July 25, 2011

Late Breaking Nothing-news

Obama asked Americans to urge their lawmakers in Congress to strike a deal on the issue. He said he would not agree to a short-term increase, as proposed by House Speaker John A. Boehner (R-Ohio), saying it amounted to "kicking the can down the road." He added: "We can't allow the American people to become collateral damage to Washington's political warfare."

"I made a sincere effort to work with the president. ... I gave it my all," Boehner said. "Unfortunately, the president could not take yes for an answer." He added: "The president wanted a blank check six months ago, and he wants a blank check today. This is not going to happen."

I've an idea about what might be kicked down the road.

It Should

House: The universe always settles the score.

Cuddy: Does it?

House: No. But it should.


Congress Performs Its Duties. Not.

I made the mistake Friday of turning the TV to a news channel. Such posturing; such braying; such failure on the part of the duly ordained "leaders" to lead.

I engage in sarcasm on occasion, always, I hope, tinged with humor. I sink into cynicism from time to time, for I am, after all, a part of the human race. How could I be surrounded with such creatures and yet fail to doubt their ability to reason their way out of a wet paper sack (bag, poke, choose your nomenclature). Yet my point is that I am a positive person. Oh, you don't see that? Well, I am particularly positive at this moment. I am positive that we lack true leadership. I know that we selected these clowns to represent us and to conduct our business. We are culpable. I am braying. Call me an ass, but be aware that I am no more an ass than are the asses about whom I am braying.

Bob Warr

This was written over three months ago. I simply had no place to put it until now. If things have changed since then, it is only for the worse.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Bedtop Chapel

at St. Mattress Cathedral this morning. It was either that, or sit in the pew and sleep right in front of the preacher and everybody.

Indiana Image

Whatever you may think about Indiana's republican administration, you have to admit we have the cutest Lieutenant Governor in the land.

Mrs. Skillman projects a great image in the official presentations the State gets itself involved in.

Style, substance, and the importance of looking good!

Saturday, July 23, 2011

"If you're not part

of the solution, you are part of the problem." This mantra springs to mind and I apply it to myself as I sit here and snipe at the congress creatures in Washington. And yes, of course, I am part of the problem. I am one of the people to whom the government owes money. Of course, I loaned it to them when it appeared that they were a creditable, reliable and honest borrower. Should I have anticipated that they would try to live in perpetuity on borrowed money, ultimately paying me back with money borrowed elsewhere, or defaulting? Or is this not the definition of a Ponzi scheme, for which countless people are imprisoned?

I am reminded of Jerry Clower's illustration in which he likened government programs for the "benefit" of the people to a transfusion in which the donor and the recipient are the same. "They draw blood out of one arm, and run it back in in the other arm, and spill about half of it in the process."

Looks like a rough ride ahead.

Amity in the Home

"Lose control of the remote, there's going to be a lot of Oxygen, Lifetime, and HGTV coming into the house." --Herk Bitterman

Herk is just a whiner. We know he has another TV in the house.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Breaking News

States cut programs to help poor cool their homes (front page headline)

Oh, that's wonderful! State governments are cutting other programs to make it a priority to assist the poor during this heat wave.

No, that is not what it means.

"SOUTH BEND, Ind. (AP)--
Many states hit hardest by the week's searing heat wave have drastically cut or entirely eliminated programs that help poor people pay their electric bills, forcing thousands to go without air conditioning when they need it most."

...and so on.

Oh, I see.

You know

you are getting old when the "before" pictures in the anti-aging products ads look better to you than the "after" pictures.

Sadly, True

535 congress creatures haven't enough collective wisdom to pound sand in a rat hole.

But you can bet their paychecks will be the last to be withheld if we go into free fall.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Down on Foggy Bottom

the beat goes on.

What ever happened to "we're all in this together"? We're all going to be in this together soon enough. In the soup, I mean, and it getting hotter by the day, if certain people remain intransigently unwilling to place the welfare of the country above their own selfish interests.

Oh, I dream of better things, things that never were, and mayhap shall never be.

Crystal Ball

87% of Americans think the government will never default on its obligations. 100% of the people who boarded the Titanic thought they were going to America.

Most of the statistics in this blog are made-up on the spot. In this post, the 100% figure, however, is accurate.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

I can take the heat,

after all, I grew up on the High Plains. And, I am not saying it is muggy, but when you jump into the pool and nothing feels any different, something's just not right.

Poirot Knows

In Agatha Christie's The Three Act Tragedy, to the line, "So many people are disgusting when it's about money," Poirot responds, "So many people are disgusting about so many things."

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Do You Think?

Heard on WTHR Channel 13 Eyewitness News at Noon

Scott Swan: We are under an excessive heat warning. What does that mean?

Chikage Windler, aka Weather Girl: An excessive heat warning means "Complaining is allowed."

Chikage. Really.

Gold Line. Life Line?

I thought about jumping on the "gold bandwagon," but how are you going to "chip off" a chunk to pay for a gallon of milk? Or who is going to make change for your $1600 coin?

Yet, the "smart money" is going there.


Added another dozen 100-watt incandescent bulbs to my stash. Couple more times, I'll have enough to last me into my ninety-third year. Don't misunderstand me, I think the little 23-watt curlicue bulbs are cute and all. They are a great replacement for the hooded things in the kitchen ceiling. But for my reading lamps, I will have light by which I can read. And that would not be a curlicue.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Breaking News

Headline: Obama: I'll veto balanced budget proposal.

Observation: Of course he will. What democrat would ever want to be constrained from profligate spending?

For What It's Worth

I have been blogging for about three years. (String Too Short to Tie, Retrotechnocracy) A few days ago, a friend suggested that I might engage in political commentary. I have tried to stay out of that arena. Yet once in a while...

I may well be a bit more unleashed here. Agree with me, or disagree with me; but don't hate on me. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, even if it is wrong. But do try to avoid being wrong. We respect all people. All opinions, not so much.

A few days ago, my beautiful spouse was reading a travelogue I had written. I had used the term "bob warr" for which she immediatly chided and chastised me. "Barb wire," she said, "b-a-r-b w-i-r-e." "Not so," said I. "It is bob warr, and I spelled it correctly."

Yours for correctness, meaning behaving in the right way for the right reason, whether or not it is politic,
Bob Warr

If I were going to give an inch in this argument, I would point out that the technically correct term would be "barbed wire," but I'll not be revisiting this topic with the Loved One.

Sunday, July 17, 2011