Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Phone home.

It seems that some Olympians would have been well served to have taken ET's counsel,
"Phone home," meaning, "Go to London and leave your phone home."

Saturday, July 28, 2012


Turf painting spreads as drought ravages lawns.
It seems that homeowners and businesses whose pride has been hurt by the browning of their lawns are turning to the relatively expensive expedient of painting their lawns.  I saw this done one time at the baseball stadium in Minneapolis for opening day.  That I understood.

What these private property owners probably don't understand is that I am praying for rain.  I understand that the paint will not bleed, so there will be no greening of the sidewalks and gutters.  But I also understand that when the rain comes, the grass will grow again.

And zip-zap, in a couple of weeks, the mower will remove the painted blades, nature will provide the green, and the paint will be in a compost pile.  How clever is that?

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Saturday, July 21, 2012


Wiley's Dictionary defines perfect health as the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Good Grief Gravy


7-Eleven selling mashed potatoes and chicken gravy from Slurpee machines.

Wait.  Why the potatoes?  Just take up space in the gravy tub.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

The Boss, Sir James, and the Picker

Van Zandt, Springsteen, and McCartney were jammin' in a finale at a Hyde Park concert in London and authorites "pulled the plug" when they went over the curfew.

"Ashamed to be British right now," quoth comedian Stephen Merchant. 

And there is the typical British "humor".

Well, I mean, they are the "greatest artists of the past fifty years."
And no one thought to pull the plug fifty years ago.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Rather Typical

          I am always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
--Winston Churchill

(Bob Warr debuted here July 17,2011.  Today's post is number 300; and I thought I had relegated this to the status of an orphan.  Guess he is just the lesser loved, snarkier younger brother.)

Friday, July 6, 2012

Weather Report

Now is the winter of our discontent

made miserable summer by the sun unhampered by clouded sky

nor air cooled by northern breeze.

That we might in the deep bosom of the ocean bury

our remembrance of such torrid days.

Torrid days, horrid days about which I vowed

never to complain, for winter’s blast is my bane

I hate cold more than I despise the heat.

I lied; I carp, I snivel and complain. I am

no better than all my like-afflicted kin.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Higher Education, 2012

Breaking news:  Student completes requirements for bachelor's degree in, like twenty months, thereby gypping the school out of tuition money; university sues for reimbursement.

It's just business.

Look, it took me but a quarter less than six years to complete similar requirements, and the university didn't let my tuition slide during the extended terms.  Seems things average out, here.  In fact, there was a day in which students "overloaded" deliberately hoping to save a term's fees, and they were admired for their industry and perspicacity, while we "professional students" were snickered at.

 Could we go back and sue the short termers now, you know, retroactively?  Or is there a statute of limitations?

Sunday, July 1, 2012

A Catechism

Based on the eighth commandment. “Thou shalt not steal.”

1. Is this injunction to be taken literally?

Yes, but with certain exceptions.

2. What are the exceptions?

Principally, in the cases wherein the State grants a license to steal.

3. Can you cite examples to illustrate your assertion?

Yes. The banking industry, for example. Banks are granted a license to steal.

Also, telecommunications companies are licensed to conduct business, i.e., a license to steal.

4. Are there other examples?

Yes, a case in point is the State itself, in which it licenses to itself the power of operating lotteries, thereby stealing vast amounts of money from those who can least afford the loss.

Also, the taxation systems in many federal, state, and local governments are essentially licenses to steal, inasmuch as the "ins" use the codes in overreach of their legitimate function in pursuit of activities not granted to them in their constitutions, thereby taking from some illegitimately to buy votes from others. Stealing.  There are yet other instances.

5. If the State then is a role-model for our moral behavior, then is it not right for me to steal if it is to benefit me or my kin?

No, the State will throw you in jail quicker than baking soda reacts with vinegar in a fifth-grade science experiment. “Do as we say, not as we do,” is the mantra of the State.

6. I see. Then essentially might we accurately say we are screwed?