Monday, July 29, 2013

Gives Me a Pain

Sign beside the highway and in front of chiropractor’s office:
10 chronic pain suffers.
“They mean ‘sufferers,’”  she said.
“They can’t spell, or don’t know the difference,” said I.
“Well, it got our attention.”
“Yeah, and we both know what they mean.  Spelling is over-rated.”

Saturday, July 27, 2013


"The State Department announced this week the creation of its first office dedicated to outreach to the global faith community and religious leaders."  --WaPo 7/27/13

No matter where you may fall on the belief-unbelief spectrum, if this is not troubling to you, you are sound asleep and the alarm is turned off.

"Good morning!  I am from the government, and I am here to help you."

Monday, July 22, 2013

Welcome, Little Prince

The newsreader said, "The people are pottying in the streets here in London!"
Can't the authorities do something about that?

Blessings on you, little man
Born naked, and yet you can
Someday be the king.
What an interesting thing.
For we're both just
Water, chemicals, and dust.
I'll live life free, I trust
You'll do exactly what you must.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Fast Fooding It

I seldom go to Mickey Dee's and even less often do I purchase a food item there.  I almost never go through a "drive-thru" at any establishment.

But I want to do something nice for the spouse, and I'm in a hurry.  I'm thinking egg biscuit at Burger King (she loves eggs), but McD is 40 yards closer, so I swing into the drive through.  Order egg mcmuffin.  Pull around to window, wait for two cars in front of me.  My turn.  Finally.

I have a five in my hand.  Man at window starts to hand me sack and drink.  Are you sure that's mine?  I didn't order drink.  He hands me drinking straw, opens sack, announces content.  Okay, then. Hands me sack, but says, You aren't going to give me that five, are you?  Unless the food is free, yes.

Didn't you pay back there?  (Back where? I am thinking.)  No.
I can't take money here.  I'll have to get the manager.
(Handing sack back to McEmployee)  Forget it.

I burn the forty yards to the BK, park, go inside.  Order egg biscuit, which I have in less time than it takes to tell.

Thanks, McD.

By the way, did you know that that 69 cent sandwich is now three bucks at either of those establishments?  Sheesh.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Reading at the Mall

Barn-like store, huge.  I am sitting on a bench just inside the exit.  It is pouring rain outside.  I am reading a book.  The Missus is shopping.

A man, forty-something, bearded, ball-cap, five-six and one-forty-five, approaches the door which opens automatically, two women behind him with gigantic carts piled high with cheap crap.

Woman on the left hollers at man, "Where's your phone?"

Man stops, turns, "In my pocket!"

Woman, "Don't sit on it!"

Man retorts, but by this time I am laughing so hard I can't make out his words.

Man shoots me a look; I raise the book, "Funny book, very funny!"

Surely he couldn't see that the book was about the Holocaust.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Like That's Going to Happen

You may call it what you want, or you may not give it a name, but when the military removes a nation's leader and installs a provisional leader, it is a coup d'etat whether or not you like the term. Mr. President, our nation is required to immediately stop the flow of foreign aid to a country in which such a coup has occurred. So do your duty, already!

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Turn it Off

I was reading, had the tube on for white noise in the background.  My ears pricked up when I heard the reader say something about "Bood Wire."  I looked up in time to see these gorgeous nightie models flaunting their wares, and again the voice over was talking about " your Bood Wire."

So he wasn't talking about my cousin, Bud Wire afterall.

Segue to news reader, who goes on about homeless people living in the streets, then concludes with "blah, blah, blah, as is so many in America."


Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Paint and Palaver

I was weeding along the side of the house.  I had noticed that Herk and Tildy were at their front entryway with paint and brushes.  Projects they attempt to do together seldom turn out well.

As time passed, I could hear some back-and-forth, but I could not make out their conversation.  Until, that is, I heard:

Herk:  *blah blah, something*  Bwahahaha!

Tildy: Just shut up and paint!

Herk:  I wish you had a sense of humor!

Tildy:  I wish you had some sense!

Monday, July 1, 2013

$26.99/lb. Yikes!

Planning to grill out on the Fourth, but the steaks are too high.