Friday, December 28, 2012

Cliff Jumping

Have heard a lot of blather about the "fiscal cliff."  Have observed hard-headed obstinate refusal on both sides to make any effort to compromise in order to avoid the "disaster."


Why is it that we've not heard a discussion of the fact that both sides are getting what they want.  The automatic tax increases and spending cuts will give both sides exactly what they want.  Donkeys will get their tax increases; elephants will get their spending cuts.  Why would anyone want to compromise?

And, truth be told, hard as it will be in the short-term, it might be the best long-term solution to our profligacy.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

She said

She said, "Persistence is key."
He heard (correctly), "I'll nag until you cave."

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

On the Silent Treatment.

Thank you.  Silence is a golden gift.  But do not bestow it too liberally, lest I become a miser wanting to store up more than is good for myself.

Friday, November 30, 2012

NBA: Not a Fan

Bob, have you an opinion about the NBA game in Miami last night?

Why, yes, yes I have.  Anyone who paid anywhere from seventy to one thousand dollars for a seat got what he paid for-- a seat at a basketball game.  He did not buy the right to coach either team, nor do the people that watched at home have such a right.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Handsome is as Handsome Does

The Missus and I, watching an episode of "White Collar."  I tell her I tune it to that program only so that she has all those handsome men to ogle.
"Yeah?  Well, that one is pretty cute," she says.

A few scenes later:

Mrs. W:  Why is it that the ugliest guys are genius-smart?

I: It's the Law of Compensatory Talent.  It wouldn't be fair, brilliant as I am, if I were good looking, too.

Mrs. W:  Oh, brother.

I:  *raucous laughter*  (I do crack myself up, sometimes.)

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Yes, Tw.....s

After hearing "Twinkies" all day yesterday, I open this morning's paper to find Twinkies in a front page headline.  Above the fold, yet.  First thing that came to mind was an old country song, but with new words:

I got over Twinkies so long ago
I'm amazed they're still around today.

Oops, looks like maybe they're not.  All this foofaraw about on over-sweet sponge cake filled with some white frothy chemical conglomeration?  Good night!

Monday, November 12, 2012

To the Third and Fourth Generations

Will the sour grapes we are eating set our children's teeth on edge?
--apologies to Jeremiah

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Senator Who?

Instead of running for public office, both senatorial candidates should be seeking asylum in a witless protection program.

(If this isn't the case in your state, you probably don't have a senatorial election this year.)

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Please, Get this Campaign Over. Please!

Now he's done it.  Senatorial wannabe Mourdock's recent ads are attacking Donnelly for failure to pay his personal taxes.  Talk about opening a can of crap that is going to spill all over the one who opened it!

Friday, October 12, 2012

You're Kidding, Right?

Vice-presidential debates are a truly bad idea.

Everybody loses, especially "the people.":

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Elections

We have a race for U.S. Senate in our state which will result in an embarrassment for all the citizens of the state no matter which candidate is elected.  Sigh.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Nobel 2012

Serge Haroche on winning with David Wineland the Nobel Prize in physics:  "I did not see it coming."  

And yet they could "see" the measurement of quantum particles.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Bob and the Drugstore

The Little Woman sent me to the drugstore to pick up scripts.  I came home empty handed for, they claimed, they could not fill it until next week since the insurance company would not pay for it until then.  Of course, I had the option to pay cash.  Like I said, empty handed.

"That," she said, "is what I get for sending a man to do a woman's job."

Oh, yeah, I didn't say.  If you know so much, then why did you?

Monday, October 1, 2012

Airbrush, anyone?

So Ikea wants to sell product.  Why are people incensed about the fact that their catalog was altered for a specific market?  What the heck?  Now here I am, incensed that people are incensed.
(Now I hear that Ikea has apologized.  Again, what the heck?)

It is possible that I am just too dense to survive in this world.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Elementary

Thought we'd give the new series "Elementary" a chance.  Watched the first seven minutes.  Understood not one line of dialog.  Watching "Everybody Loves Raymond" reruns.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Sheesh

Is there anyone out there who is still unconvinced of the fact that anyone who wants to be president is too dumb to be president?

I know I am too dumb to be president, but at least I am smart enough to know that.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Leadership

I can't for the life of me shake the image of Nero plucking his lyre while Rome burns, nor can I figure why on this particular evening.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Golf Tour

How is it that the idiot who shouts "Get in the hole" the instant the clubhead meets the ball always gets a spot within voice range of the broadcast mike?

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Is There Any Hope?

Members of the media at the DNC in Charlotte outnumber the delegates three-to-one. (Milbank, WaPo 5 Sep 2012)

What does this mean?

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Fall Style

Enjoy your Labor Day; the vacation if you don't have to labor, your work if you do.

I'll put away the white bucks, the white shorts, and the ice-cream pants if you will put away the white tennies.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Funny Headlines; Not Funny

"A woman who was reported as missing from an Icelandic tour, unwittingly joined a search for herself." --Yahoo News

Some of us without wit started trying to "find ourselves" back in the sixties.  Some of my contemporaries are still looking.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

The Race is On

Many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased.  Daniel 12:4b

Yet probably not swiftly enough to overtake stupid. 

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Home Economics

The Mrs. is putting a new trashbag in the kitchen wastebasket.

Bob:  What brand did you get this time?

She:  I don't know; they were cheap.

He:  I know.  Don't get them anymore.

She:  Why not?  I don't have any problem with them.

He:  No.  All you do is put them in the basket.  I ripped three holes in one this morning before I could get it tied up.

Fact of life:  Someone can, and will, produce an inferior imitation of any product and sell it for less.  Caveat emptor.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

New Mantra

Listening to the news; commented to the spouse that we are in "doop dee-dee."  Trying to correct the slip, I said, "I mean, we are in doop dee-dee."  So that is my new mantra for reaction to political, economic, social news and commentary:  Doop dee-dee.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Shame on Us All

I have pretty much run out of political commentary.  This election cycle has gotten so far out of bounds that no one will ever find the ball.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Politics as Usual

"Romney selects Ryan."

What's that about?  Alliterative effect?

Monday, August 6, 2012

The Man is Not to Be Believed

This seems an appropriate response to Senator Reid's unsubstantiated assertion.
“What can be asserted without evidence
can also be dismissed without evidence.”  --Joe Joseph

Saturday, August 4, 2012

A Bad Day

I paid you top dollar for that birth certificate, and you can't even disguise the fact that it's a fake?!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Bob's Testimony

The only thing more trying than living with a woman is trying to live without one.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Dale Carnegie would be proud

QUOTE OF THE DAY


Romney spokesman Rick Gorka responding to reporters shouting questions to Mitt Romney in Poland:

"Kiss my ass. This is a Holy site for the Polish people. Show some respect."

--WaPo 7/31/12

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Phone home.

It seems that some Olympians would have been well served to have taken ET's counsel,
"Phone home," meaning, "Go to London and leave your phone home."

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Headline:

Turf painting spreads as drought ravages lawns.
It seems that homeowners and businesses whose pride has been hurt by the browning of their lawns are turning to the relatively expensive expedient of painting their lawns.  I saw this done one time at the baseball stadium in Minneapolis for opening day.  That I understood.

What these private property owners probably don't understand is that I am praying for rain.  I understand that the paint will not bleed, so there will be no greening of the sidewalks and gutters.  But I also understand that when the rain comes, the grass will grow again.

And zip-zap, in a couple of weeks, the mower will remove the painted blades, nature will provide the green, and the paint will be in a compost pile.  How clever is that?

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Saturday, July 21, 2012

B.C.

Wiley's Dictionary defines perfect health as the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

JohnnyHartStudios

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Good Grief Gravy

Headline:

7-Eleven selling mashed potatoes and chicken gravy from Slurpee machines.

Wait.  Why the potatoes?  Just take up space in the gravy tub.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

The Boss, Sir James, and the Picker

Van Zandt, Springsteen, and McCartney were jammin' in a finale at a Hyde Park concert in London and authorites "pulled the plug" when they went over the curfew.

"Ashamed to be British right now," quoth comedian Stephen Merchant. 

And there is the typical British "humor".

Well, I mean, they are the "greatest artists of the past fifty years."
And no one thought to pull the plug fifty years ago.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Rather Typical

          I am always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
--Winston Churchill

(Bob Warr debuted here July 17,2011.  Today's post is number 300; and I thought I had relegated this to the status of an orphan.  Guess he is just the lesser loved, snarkier younger brother.)

Friday, July 6, 2012

Weather Report

Now is the winter of our discontent

made miserable summer by the sun unhampered by clouded sky

nor air cooled by northern breeze.

That we might in the deep bosom of the ocean bury

our remembrance of such torrid days.


Torrid days, horrid days about which I vowed

never to complain, for winter’s blast is my bane

I hate cold more than I despise the heat.

I lied; I carp, I snivel and complain. I am

no better than all my like-afflicted kin.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Higher Education, 2012

Breaking news:  Student completes requirements for bachelor's degree in, like twenty months, thereby gypping the school out of tuition money; university sues for reimbursement.

It's just business.

Look, it took me but a quarter less than six years to complete similar requirements, and the university didn't let my tuition slide during the extended terms.  Seems things average out, here.  In fact, there was a day in which students "overloaded" deliberately hoping to save a term's fees, and they were admired for their industry and perspicacity, while we "professional students" were snickered at.

 Could we go back and sue the short termers now, you know, retroactively?  Or is there a statute of limitations?

Sunday, July 1, 2012

A Catechism

Based on the eighth commandment. “Thou shalt not steal.”


1. Is this injunction to be taken literally?

Yes, but with certain exceptions.

2. What are the exceptions?

Principally, in the cases wherein the State grants a license to steal.

3. Can you cite examples to illustrate your assertion?

Yes. The banking industry, for example. Banks are granted a license to steal.

Also, telecommunications companies are licensed to conduct business, i.e., a license to steal.

4. Are there other examples?

Yes, a case in point is the State itself, in which it licenses to itself the power of operating lotteries, thereby stealing vast amounts of money from those who can least afford the loss.

Also, the taxation systems in many federal, state, and local governments are essentially licenses to steal, inasmuch as the "ins" use the codes in overreach of their legitimate function in pursuit of activities not granted to them in their constitutions, thereby taking from some illegitimately to buy votes from others. Stealing.  There are yet other instances.

5. If the State then is a role-model for our moral behavior, then is it not right for me to steal if it is to benefit me or my kin?

No, the State will throw you in jail quicker than baking soda reacts with vinegar in a fifth-grade science experiment. “Do as we say, not as we do,” is the mantra of the State.

6. I see. Then essentially might we accurately say we are screwed?

Yes.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Shenanigans

"The Justice Department has declared that Attorney General Eric Holder’s decision to withhold information about a bungled gun-tracking operation from Congress does not constitute a crime and he won’t be prosecuted for contempt of Congress. The attorney general oversees the Justice Department."  --WaPo, 29 June 2012

The AG declines to prosecute himself?  Are you kidding me?

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Ehh, warmish.

3:07 P. M. and two hours of heating time yet to go, and the south wind to stoke it.

Consolation:  Misery loves company, and I guess we have company all across the country.

C'est Plus...


Excerpt from "The Foreign Policy of  Company 99" by O. Henry.
This was written over a century ago.  The more things change, the
more they stay the same.
Jeffries is James J. Jeffries, noted boxer of the day.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

How Far, How Fast?

The President express his disappointment with the wrong-headedness of the Supreme Court, will direct Federal officials to ignore enforcement of the law.

Perhaps it should be no surprise that our president is a scofflaw.  We have become a nation of scofflaws.  Yet somehow this seems to be something other than a case of driving 72 in a 65 zone.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Peanut Butter Cookies

Herkimer walked into the garage just as the belt sander wound down.

Herk said, I baked peanut butter cookies last night, cleaned up in the kitchen and everything. Cookies were good, too.

Where are mine? I asked.

Tildy told me, Herk continued as though I had said nothing, "They're not as good as mine." What's with that? Didn't stop her from eating four of 'em before she went to bed.

Herk, I said, it's an all around win for Tildy, and you win, too, if you just eat cookies and keep quiet. And agree with her; maybe she'll bake next time!

Herk offered me his recipe. Thanks, I said. You used the one on the Jif jar, didn't you?

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Home Alone

I placed Mrs. Warr's overnight bag in the car, turned and kissed her goodbye.  She was on her way to spend a couple of days with her daughter a couple hours away.

Two hours later, phone rings.  "Hi, Honey.  Just wanted to tell you I got here okay!"

Kissing is pleasant, but that is love.

(No smart-aleck comments today.)

Sunday, June 10, 2012

The Hirsute Manly Man

What is it that makes facial hair fair game? You be clean shaven, or I be ravin’.

In the sartorial realm, mostly if we don’t care for someone’s hairdo or clothing selection, we smile and say nothing. If we really like something, we may pass along a compliment, unless of course we are a “dirty old man” and the recipient of the compliment is a nit twit who thinks everything is harassment.

 But we don’t pass along our distaste for another’s taste. Again, unless of course, the man is bearded, mustachioed, or side-burned. Then you are entitled to express your opinion, no matter how uncomplimentary or derogatory. Thank you very much.

 “You need to trim that beard.” Probably meaning, “Shave it off.”
“I hate handlebar moustaches.” Meaning, “That’s the ugliest thing I ever saw.”
“You are wearing a Fu Manchu? What’s that all about?” Meaning, “That’s the ugliest thing I ever saw.”
"Sideburns? Who are you, Elvis? or are you fighting the Civil War all over again?” Meaning, “Shave it off.”
“A van Dyke?”  Looks like the devil.” Meaning, “You look like the devil.”

 Ladies, scrape your face every day for a half-century or more, or cut us some slack. Every square inch we don’t have to shave is a square inch of relief from agony.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Okay

Mrs. W. (watching a guy on TV back a car in a narrow alley):  I wish I could back like that.

Bob:  You do tend to wander off the drive.  Use your mirrors!

Mrs:  I do; but they don't tell the truth.

Bob:  Well, then, take it VERY slow.


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Did ---

You did so.
No, I didn't.
Did too.
Did not.
Yes, you did.
I didn't say that.
Did so.
Did not.
Good night, John Boy.
Good night, Mary Ellen.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Democracy

I despair of the belief that we are capable of selecting our leaders by the electoral process.

Now, what brought that on?

I can't tell you how many times I have heard "He's not in touch with the people," or "He doesn't know how the average Joe lives," or "He lives in another world."  So let me get this straight.  What you want is an "average Joe" as your leader.

Average Joe has an IQ of 100 (by definition).  He has never earned more than $50 grand a year.  AJ, again on average, is a high school graduate, with perhaps a thirteenth year, either in a tech school or a freshman year in a community college.  He has never managed a Kool-Aid stand, much less a business with more than one other employee.  Yet this is what you want for the leadership of the free world?

So we rule out all the rich people, all the smart people, all the people who have actually run something other than the tires off their Chevrolet.

So we should have Joe, or Jolene.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Went to the Box

to get the mail. 
Nothing but a People magazine, which is to say, nothing.
This is a subscription we are comped, and it is worth every penny we pay for it.  And not a penny more.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Eating is Hazardous to Your Health

News flash! (Moments ago on the noon news.)  Your peanut butter may contain a flame retardant H-C-something-something.

So?  I don't want my PB spontaneously combusting in the pantry.  Thanks, Jif, for protecting my property.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Lunch with the President, and the President, and the President

Just heard a report on today's luncheon in the White House where the Obamas will be hosting both former Presidents Bush and their spouses.  "It is closed to the press," said the commentator, "but wouldn't you like to be a fly on the wall?"

Well, no, actually not.  I've seen President Obama's hand-swipe.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The Summer Abroad

Bob:  The granddaughter is flying to Paris today.

Mrs. W:  By herself?

Bob:  Of course.  It'll be great for a 22-year old girl to get away from her helicopter parents.

Mrs. W:  Good Lord.  I'd be scared to death.  I didn't even know how to get on a plane when I was twenty-two.

Bob:  They didn't have planes when you were twenty-two.

Friday, May 25, 2012

And so's the tack hammer.

Where's the tape-measure?
Right in the drawer where it always is.
Which drawer?
The utility drawer in the kitchen.
Oh.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Raise kids to be wealthy.

  • Intelligence is overrated.

Teaser on Yahoo! News.

I watched enough of the video to hear that the billionaire woman-person was bragging about being a straight "D" student in high school and college.  Seems good looks and "open eyes" trump brains.  And we didn't already know that?

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Fair

An "economic fairness" agenda has emerged as the single, most unifying Democratic idea of the election season. --WaPo 5-15-12

It is not fair for someone to have whatever someone else doesn't have?  I am aftaid I am about to get started.  I can feel my blood simmering, coming to a boil.

Fair, and I repeat myself, is where 4-H kids go to show their pigs and goats.

Oh, you can be so relieved that I restrained myself.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

"If you're not on President Obama's enemies list, I don't know what you are doing wrong."
 --Chris Plante

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

From a Favorite Author

She collected and polished resentments as if it were some sort of hobby.
--AnneTyler in Noah's Compass

Women had this element of treachery... They entered your life under false pretenses and then they changed the rules.
--Anne Tyler, op.cit.


Monday, May 14, 2012

I am concerned

much less that I come down on the right side of history than I am that I come down on the right side of right or wrong.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

More Global Warming Evidence

Record ice cover blankets Bering Sea
Bucking a downward trend since 1979, ice not only covered more area, but stuck around longer this year. --Yahoo News headline

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Handicapping the Horses

The first Saturday in May.  The horses go to the post at Churchill Downs this afternoon.  For those of you who care, it looks as though Baffert may have another winner on his hands.  So I am told.  I rather favor a horse named "Hansen" and not because I know a thing about the horse, the trainer, the rider, or horse-racing in general, for that matter.

I choose Hansen because I once knew a girl whose surname was Hansen, with an "e" and the last time (the only time) I bet on a horse it's name was "Wendy," also the name of a one-time acquaintance.  Won, too.

Also, I am partial to greys.  Hmm.  Perhaps I should...

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Decor


Herk:  There I've got the toilet seat replaced.

Tildy:  You put a white seat on a cream-colored bowl.

Herk:  Yeah?

Tildy:  That'll have to be changed.

Herk:  You'll get used to it.

Tildy: No.

Herk: Then you'll have to learn to live with it.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

That Sneaked by Me

Newsreader:  He snuck into the compound.

I know the word has been around longer than I have and that it is accepted as a common variant for the past tense of the verb sneak.  What I don't know is why I am so offended by  it.  Everyone does it.  There must have been a pedant, a martinet, somewhere in my past whom I cannot sneak away from.

(btw, The prepositional  ending does not offend me.  In this instance.)

And even as I typed this I hear from the toob, "dattah" when the speaker clearly meant "data."  Now that offends me, and rightly so.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Biden

Vice President Joseph Biden, addressing a crowd of fundraisers from the Turkish and Azerbaijani communities in Washington:

"The dullest audience I have ever spoken to. Just sitting there, staring at me. Pretend you like me!"

This on the day after he talked about the President's big stick.  The man removes his foot from his mouth only long enough to change feet.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Land of Opportunity

The News at Noon on the local station ran a piece about people collecting large amounts of money from the IRS (who collect the money from me) by the ruse of declaring dependency of beaucoup nieces and nephews, most of whom still reside in Mexico.  And the recipients aren't even citizens.  Some collected amounts into five figures.

I am so mad I can scarce see the page to check my typing.

Talk about "earned income!"

The container for the thing contained has sprung too many leaks.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Belaboring the Obvious

Tease on CBS Evening News, just before going to commercial:
"What's behind the dramatic increase in bird strikes (on airliners)?"

Conspiracy!  Ooh, Bilderbergers!

Pelley returns to air, poses the question to Captain Sully.

Sully:  More birds and more planes.
Me:  Ya think?

I love the news.  It's so...

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I Want to Be Your Voice in Washington

TV ad, politician running for congress.  "I, I, I, I, yi, yi, yi."
Then, "I helped Governor turn a deficit into a surplus, blah, blah blah..."  (So did anyone who voted for him; is that what you mean?)
If you think I'm wonderful now, "just wait until I get to Washington!"

Okay, I can wait.

Here's a problem.  One is inclined to adopt the "throw the rascals out" approach to an election.  Then he sees the competition.  Rethink!  Or, does it matter?

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What's on Your Drawing Board Now, Al?

Al Gore has been inducted into the Internet Hall of Fame. It had to happen sooner or later to the man who boasted in March 1999 that "I took the initiative in creating the Internet." Gore's honor was announced Monday at the Internet Society's Global INET 2012 conference in Geneva, Switzerland. He was cited for having "made significant contributions to the global growth and use of the Internet." In April 1999, when his widely mocked remark had become talk-show fodder, Gore joked, "The day I made that statement, about the inventing the Internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the camcorder."   --msn.com

That'll teach us to make fun of him.

A prophet is not without honor save in his own country. --Jesus of Nazareth

Quick! My Sunglasses!

Guess what popped up on my homepage this morning.  The glaring whiteness of Blogger's new look.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Your Tweets Can Be Subpoenaed

"Twitter's license to use the defendant's Tweets means that the Tweets the defendant posted were not his," the judge wrote in a decision filed Friday. --Yahoo News

Which is to say, even if you have deleted them, your tweets can be subpoenaed. That is, you can hide them from yourself, but you cannot hide them from Big Brother.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

New and Improved

Anytime you see something being touted as "new and improved" you can almost certainly be assured that it will be alien and aggravating.

(Thinking especially in the realm of electronics. Thinking "new versions" of OS, thinking fb, thinking Blogger, you name it.)

Just let us enjoy that with which we are familiar!


Okay, I suppose if the world really worked the way I am thinking, we'd still be sitting in caves scratching pictographs into the walls.

Friday, April 20, 2012

"Falling" It Is

Falling in love is a visceral
anti-intellectual response to
a visual misperception of reality.

World Affairs at the Dinner Table

We were discussing a number of Middle East issues which led to a recent Obama decision to delay "talks" with the Iranians and Bibi's objection that that was giving the Iranians a free pass.

Mrs. Warr said, "No one could make that many awful decisions if it weren't on purpose."

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Oh, Please Give Me a Break

Heard today that a group of "parents" is suing Apple because their kids are addicted to games on the I-Phone and it is costing them "a lot of money."

Question: Who bought the kids the dern phones?

Resolution: Take the dern phones away and give the kids something to do. Or lock them up until they magically become independently wealthy.

Sheesh!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

He practices a scorched worth policy;
Burns his friends to find his enemies. --David P. Torbet

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Call the Vet!

News bulletin: Former Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich was bitten by a penguin at the St. Louis Zoo.

I hope the poor penguin has had its rabies shots.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Polygamy and Slavery

Polygamists in the family trees

Similarities in Obama and Romney’s roots.


Another teaser from the WaPo. But what has it to do with anything? Neither party mentioned practices nor condones the practice. So who cares? It is like making me responsible for the fact that my great-great grandmother was a slave holder. Oh, wait. There are those who make the claim that that is my responsibility. How ridiculous is that?

We may all be the product of our ancestors' choices, but we are not responsible for their choices.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

To Slant or Not To Slant

Mitt’s woman problem? Headline on WaPo opinion piece.

And what springs to mind? And what was intended? No, no. Answer the questions before you read the article (since chances are that 92.3%* of the people who see the header will not read the article.)

*Keep in mind that statistics cited by BW are made up on the spot.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Senator Lugar

Dick Lugar: Too mild to be memorable? --WaPo, April 9,2012

Clark Kent was noted for being "mild-mannered" was he not?

I have great respect for my Senator. I would have had greater respect for him had he announced his retirement. I mean, he's old. I mean, he's even older than I (by a small margin.)

Thurmond and Byrd come to mind. Is it really necessary?

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Who Knew?

Obama: Women are not an interest group -- Marshalltown, Iowa Times-Republican, front page headline, April 7, 2012

I cannot speak for the President, but speaking for myself, I respectfully disagree. I have always been interested in women.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

"Backward, Turn Backward, Oh, Time...

Headline: Levi Johnston knocks up another girl

Apart from the fact that this is not news, is none of our business, and I don't care a whit about Levi (with all due respect to the poor deluded girl), the crudity of the announcement in the press is depressing.

I am "uptight" you say, a Neanderthal living in another time, long past. Perhaps. But in fact I grew up learning manners and civility, and respect for others, and I still possess a greater appreciation for that than I do for the tripe that spews from the media today.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

B. Caesar Obamus

Judge Jerry Smith of the 5th Circuit is "troubled" by Mr. Obama's statement regarding justices who would overturn the will of the Congress. Judge Smith has demanded a response from the Justice Department by way of clarification of the President's stance. Judge Smith is exactly right to be troubled.

(Scroll down for our original post on this topic.)

Caveat: Do not take your news from this source. We merely point you in the right direction. Research is required.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Quiet!

"There's zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.” --Susan Cain, author of
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Monday, April 2, 2012

President Cannot Be Serious

Say it isn't so:
President Obama offered a firm defense of his health-care law, saying Monday he remains confident that the law will be upheld by the Supreme Court and warning that "unelected" justices should not overturn the will of Congress. --WaPo, 4-2-12 (Emphasis added.)

Few days ago Bob was critical of "liberal" pundits, suggesting that they needed some lessons in civics. Now, oh, my stars and garters, the President needs to be spanked and sent back to school.

It probably is too late to ask, But what is the country coming to?

Update: Judge Jerry Smith of the 5th Circuit is "troubled" by this. He got it exactly right, and we should all be troubled. April 4

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Lights, Blue and Red, and Loud Hooter

(All of this after he left us standing beside the road in ninety degree heat for twenty minutes while he sat in his air conditioned cruiser and did what ever he did, which included writing me up.)

Me: We've been coming to Rockport every winter for years. We spend six weeks here, pay our rent, buy our groceries and pay our utilities. Much as we like Rockport, this may have to be our last year here.

Cop: That's your prerogative.* (Oh, wow, Johnny^ is a college graduate!)

Spouse (to me): Just doing his job? All he has to do is harass old people?

Extraneous irrelevancies: He kept talking about "We can't have fifteen-year olds running around on these." Do I look 15? "That's a license plate holder; it's where the plate goes." Duh. "Golf carts are legal if they are licensed." Does this look like a golf cart? "This is Texas." Repeatedly. Wow, thanks. We've been here for twelve straight weeks and had no idea. And, "I'm just doing my job." Which is what provoked the spouse to the above comment.

Not an April Fool Joke.
*Rockport-Fulton Chamber of Commerce, take note.
^Spouse designated him "Picklehead" which I thought a little excessive. But I like it.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Long Live the Republic!

E.J. Dionne Jr. wrote in the WaPo "Supreme Court Activists: Conservative justices forget we're a democracy."

This highlights exactly what is wrong with liberal pundits. The facts are never allowed to get in the way of a bias toward their own point of view.

1) If you want to see activism on the Court, take a look at the "liberal" justices.
2) Dionne needs to bone up on history, could discover exactly why we are not a democracy.
3) I've got to quit reading the WaPo opinion pages.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Riddle Me This

How is it that pharmaceutical companies in advertising must list the possible negative side-effects to the use of their products,
but
Electronics gadget purveryors are not required to caution you of the negative side-effects to the use of their products?

"For buyers of Apple’s new iPad, ‘4G’ can quickly turn into ‘4 grand’

"Users quickly are discovering the new iPad gobbles data from cellular networks at a monstrous rate. Some find their monthly allotment can be eaten up after watching a two-hour movie. That has left consumers with a dilemma: Pay up for more data or hold back on using the device’s best features." --WaPo 3/23/12

Friday, March 23, 2012

First Person: How to Earn $100,000 and Still Feel Poor

Although I admire people who live on fixed incomes or minimum wage I have no idea how they do it. --Laura Cone, on Yahoo! Contributor Network, relating the vicissitudes of life for the family with a one hundred grand annual income.




At which point in my reading I had to stop and mop up the blood dripping from my bleeding heart.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Oil, Algae or Solar

WaPo news bulletin: The president called Thursday for new and faster construction of the nation's petroleum pipelines, delivering a message of reassurance in deep-red Oklahoma that the oil industry has a key role in his energy plan.

...and they call Mitt a Flip-flopper. Be not deceived BHO hasn't changed his stance, just his words. Tailored to the audience, they are. Wait! That's what politicians do!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Energy Memo

Panel, "fair and balanced" of course, discussing Secretary Chu's policies with regard to promotion of "renewable sources."

One of the panelists, in her summary, said that if Secretary Chu is sincere, he should give up his car, and plastics, and his crayons.

"Crayons?" exclaimed Megan. "Then how would he write his memos to the President?"

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Grocery Store

Pushed the shopping cart alongside Mrs. W for twenty minutes. "Well," she said, "I think that's it, then." She took the cart. I walked on ahead. Farther and farther ahead. I stopped at the head of the checkout tier. Leaned against product boxes. Looked at time. Looked at other shoppers. Looked down the aisle for the Missus.

Twenty-two minutes. After she had pronounced it finished.

(Further irrelevancy: There were seven items on the list. There were twenty-seven items in the cart. "So?" she said. Will I ever learn? I have a real ID ten tee problem.)

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Breaking News

Obama campaigning at a Maryland Community college, receives thunderous applause.

Let him campaign in Tipton, Indiana, and let all the people in without vetting their socio-political bent, then listen to the applause.

HaHa

It's really not fair that 1% of the bloggers have 99% of the talent...

--Jay G.

Well, we can't all be genii.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

About Time

Three, four years ago WallyWorld here installed "self checkout" stations in docks one through four. Shopping there this winter I note that they are gone and registers are manned by real people now. Good. Enough with the nonsense, already.

This is related to the hiring of enough people to take "your call (which) is important to us" that Pat Sajak and I were on about a few days ago. And yes, I did just finish (is snapping shut the phone the modern-day equivalent of banging down the receiver?) a very unsatisfying automated phone experience.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Really Sarcastic

Have never watched an episode of 30 Rock. As I was flipping channels and landed on NBC, this is the first line I heard, uttered by the Tina Fey character:

"Oh, god. Don't adopt. It'd be better off in Somalia. It could be a pirate or a warlord concubine."

That is funny. That may be one of the funniest insults I ever heard.
Still, I'm not watching 30 Rock.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Social

The evening social was scheduled for 5:30 and I arrived a few minutes early. Though some tables were filling up, I selected a seat at a thus-far vacant table. But soon others began to sit nearby. A couple came in, sat directly across. I introduced myself, as did the gentleman. The lady radiated chill, and the sniff was nearly audible. I said, We can move if someone else sits here." "No, no," she said. "That's all right." We start to get up, but the gentleman says, "Set your a$$ down. No one owns this table." "Well," she says, " we have been sitting here for twenty-one years." (Emphasize "have" as you read that.)

This is a "social" but not necessarily a sociable!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Try It!

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

--Herm Albright

Saturday, March 10, 2012

More Than a Handsome Face

"Your call is important to us."
"Not important enough," said Pat Sajak, "to hire enough operators to take it."

Friday, March 9, 2012

Here's a Quarter

I have been reduced to stealing from others. Well, no. Attribution included. My mind is still working fine, except for the creative mill part of it.

The instrument that would measure my level of caring does not yet exist.
--Pearl, the funniest blogger in Minnesota, and perhaps in all the Midwest.

Visit Pearl. http://pearl-whyyoulittle.blogspot.com/

Thursday, March 8, 2012

At Home in the Holler

I was fourteen. Mom and Dad were gone for the day. I was rummaging through drawers and stuff in the interest of learning, don't you know. I came upon a birth certificate in the name of Wallace Wright. But the birthdate was mine, and father's name was "Wallace Wright, jr."

It's the first I ever knew I had any name but Junior, because I was always called: "Junior Junior." I knew Dad's name was Junior. But Wallace? I'm Wallace? Well, I'm glad no one knows that; I'll just go on being Junior Junior.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

News Flash

Just heard this on Valley Central News 4

The Mission/McAllen/Edinburg metroplex is the fattest city in the country.

Jaw dropping? Maybe, maybe not. Just look around. I believe they went on to say that 38% of the populace is overweight.

Well, they continued, there are a lot of good places to eat in the area!

Green Planet

General Motors has told 1,300 employees at its Detroit Hamtramck that they will be temporarily laid off for five weeks as the company halts production of the Chevrolet Volt and its European counterpart, the Opel Ampera.

“Even with sales up in February over January, we are still seeking to align our production with demand,” said GM spokesman Chris Lee.
--from The Detroit Free Press
Abound solar lays of production employees.
--The Denver Post

Indeed. The people are not so easily duped as the politicians and the greenies would like to think them to be. It all fits. The people are smart enough to know that the return in "green living" is not nearly so great as the cost.

(Actually, some have actually figured out that biofuels are more harmful than helpful and that the electricity that powers the Volt and its ilk is generated in large measure by fossil fuels!)

You might be interested in this WaPo piece about electric cars and the politics of science.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I've Seen That

...a woman's love is like the morning dew, it's just as apt to settle on a horse turd as it is on a rose. --Larry McMurtry, in Leaving Cheyenne

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Better Lucky than Good

Captain of the Concordia: I did not abandon ship; I fell into the lifeboat when she capsized.

I laughed maniacally when I heard this. That's not right. Laughing, I mean.

Still and all, he did not stay with his ship. Serendipity can be cruel.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

ZTR, I Hope

The accented English of Deep South Texas is not unpleasant to the ear. It is quite easily understood, and yet there are certain quirks that evoke images not intended by the speaker. For example, there is a car dealership that runs ads on TV touting its service department. The gentleman tells us that when you bring your veekle in for service, they will "put you in a lawner, and you can be on your way."

On your way, in my mind's eye, to mow your lawn.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The Missus Loves Watermelon

Pickup truck parked beside highway. Sunny, 90 degrees. Watermelon! Stop the scooter!

Muy grande! Mexico!
How much?
Ten dollah
Muy grande, indeed.

500 yards down the road, muy grande, Mexico, five dollah. Purchase!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Music in the 21st Century

"Oh, please shut that off." said Mrs. Warr. "He makes Johnny Cash sound like a melodic wonder."

Yes. She was right. Where do these people get off, placing their fingers across the frets, whacking the thing like a drum, atonally accompanying the noise with caterwaulering, and calling it "music"?

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Hollywood's Self-Aggrandizement

In record time. The Oscars ended at 10:38 CST, meaning it lasted less than forever. And since the ten o'clock news had just ended (on another channel which we watched all evening) we tuned to whichever network got stuck with was carrying the Oscars just in time to hear someone say, "I want to thank Billy Wilder, and I want to thank Billy Wilder, and I want to thank Billy Wilder." Whoever that is.

Night, All!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

To Shop or Not to Shop

After they had been in the produce section for many minutes, Herkimer pushed on ahead with the cart. Finally, after selecting some bread, he looked back and Tildy was staring at a carrot display. He ambled back that way, and she said, "Stop running off with my cart!"

Herk said, "All you are doing is strolling past things, staring at the produce."

Tildy, fixed him with "the look" and said, "It's called shopping, Herkimer!"

(Herkimer spent the rest of the morning strolling around the store by himself, looking at stuff. Tildy bought the groceries.)

Thursday, February 23, 2012

We Need Will Rogers Today

Yesterday I promised a sampler of Will Rogers' wit.

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie' until you can find a rock."

"Our constitution protects aliens, drunks, and U.S. Senators."

"There's no trick to being a humorist when you've got the government working for you."

To which I say, Well, nowadays the government is not working for me so much as I am working for the government. That's not funny.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Meme, Me...

The principal idea behind "Bob Warr" is to present notions tersely, almost cryptically, a few lines at most, one sentence even better. But I was tagged with a meme by Lin and I cannot in good graces fail to accept the dare. Here it is, notwithstanding the response uses up two month's worth of words. It's like a four-strand bob warr fence around two sections of land.

1. Describe yourself in 7 words:
Prickly
Endearing
Reliable
Funny
Elderly
Contrary
Testy

2. What keeps you up at night?
I gave that up 40 years ago after a four-month bout with insomnia that tried to kill me.
Eleven to seven, asleep!

3. Who would I like to be?
Will Rogers.* The man could say anything in one sentence, and get away with it. Oh, wait. He's dead; I think I'd rather be me.

4. What am I wearing now?
Blue Wranglers, red T-shirt, black socks, no shoes. Skivvies? Unlike Bill Clinton, I'll never tell.

5. What scares me?
Not much. Snakes evoke a primal fear reflex, but they don't scare me. Haven't much substance for them to sink their fangs into, so to speak.

6. The best and worst of blogging:
The best: interacting with other bloggers; the joy of constructing a pleasing article. The worst: the feeling of "having" to post something. That's an unnecessary compulsion. Do it for fun, or don't do it.

7. The last website I visited:
Seattle Times Comics. Everything I ever needed to know I learned from the funnies.

8. What is the one thing I would change about myself?
Why would I change what I like? Okay, truth:
I would be a little more real, less ephemeral; not so much a figment of vanilla's imagination.

9. Slankets: yes or no?
Say what? I try to make Mrs. Warr believe that I know everything, but this one stumps me.

10. Tell us something about the person that tagged you.
I know Lin only from her blog "Duck and Wheel with String." I hope someday to meet her and Joe in person. She is an excellent writer. She is a fiercely devoted wife and mother, and servant to her cats. Hobbes the Cat is, in fact, so in charge that a full day each week is devoted to him on Duck and Wheel, and he is mentioned frequently on days that do not start with "Thurs." Lin can dance until dawn, laugh until the stars fall. She skewers idiots mercilessly, but in spite of their impinging on her life at work, at school, on the roads, and next-door, she keeps both her cool and her sense of humor! And if you are in need, she will give you the shirt off Joe's back.


*Visit Thursday for a couple of pithy quotes from Will Rogers.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Right On, John

In my experience, warm fuzzies are like lice, bedbugs or a herpes infection. People who have them ought to get treated before they infect the rest of us. --John Cowart, on Rabid Fun.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Short List

"Tildy's always telling me I don't know how to have fun," Herk whined. "Today, she said the only two things on my bucket list are 'eat' and 'sleep.'"

Mrs. Warr says my third item is "playing computer."

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Borrowed from

a friend on facebook who no doubt borrowed it from someone else.

Breaking News: The pity train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck it Up & Move On and crashed into We All Have Problems before coming to a complete stop at Get the Hell Over It. Any complaints about how we operate can be forwarded to 1-800-WAA-WAAA. This is Dr. Sniffle reporting live from Quitchur Bitchin’.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

The Perfect Life

Okay, the down-side to the receipt of the precious rain. Here we are, cooped up in this space— eighty square feet of floor space, a booth, a chair and a bed. Well, stove and sink, but who is going to sit in or on those?

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Herk's Hair and Tildy's Tease

I was stripping the library table which will go behind our couch when it is finished. Herkimer strolled in unbidden, as is his wont.

"Women," he said. "That Tildy, man, I don't know what she wants." I grunted, "Ungh," which gave him all the encouragement he needed to proceed.


"Ever since we've been married, she's been on me about how I dress, about my hair. If I let the hair dry naturally, she says, 'Put some gel in it., then go like this.' So this morning she saw me standing in front of the mirror, putting gel in my hair, running my fingers through it just like she showed me. She looked at me and said, 'You sure are vain, aren't you?' What the heck?!"

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Clearly

Chrchcurmudgeon posted this to Twitter:

This year's halftime entertainment is just two years away from getting a discount on a Filet-o-Fish and a cup of coffee.

Monday, February 6, 2012

47 Varieties

While watching a clip on TV of a very clever dog performing cute tricks, The Missus said, “Those Heinz 47 dogs are often smarter than the purebreds.” I had heard her use the expression a few days ago, but I did not want to correct her in front of others; but in the privacy of the kitchen, I said, “That would be Heinz 57.” She replied, “Well, it was only 47 when I was young.” Yikes! I am married to a woman so old she can remember when Heinz had only 47 varieties. Double yikes. I am older than she.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Red Socks

Much as I love her, sometimes the Little Lady makes it difficult for me to "just be Bob."
Sunday, I put on my nicest suit, the one she picked for me, the beautiful shirt, she picked for me, and a pair of red socks, I picked for me. She said, "Change those socks. Why must you go out of your way to look like a dork?"

(I wore the socks, and I'm not apologizing.)

Shopping

While sitting on the bench at Wal-Mart waiting for a script to be filled, I got to watching the people. I thought about “The People of Wal-Mart” forwards I get via email. Then I realized, “My spats and gaiters! I am the people of Wal-Mart."

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Well, Yes

They spend so much time being stupid its ironic they have time to put on their pants in the morning.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Blond Preacher Lady

As is not my wont (or, as is my "won't") I inadvertently tuned to a station broadcasting a sermon by a blond preacher woman just in time to hear her say (I am not making this up), "We must not go on livin' life blondly."

She got that right; needs some serious attention from a good hairdresser.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Commercial TV. Again.

Announcer (stentorian voice): One in every four people in the Valley suffers from hemorrhoids!

I: (laughing almost uncontrollably): Bwahahaha, etc.

(Why did I do that? That's not funny.)

Friday, January 20, 2012

Truth in Spending

Minnesota Mike (feeding quarters into the washing machine): This place takes your money faster than the casino!

I: True. But you get more back.

Mike: Eh, for sure. (laughs)

Mrs. Mike: Too true. (also laughs)

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Excellent Advice

Even a smart-aleck cannot be sarcastic or flippant all the time. This advice I read today is too good not to pass on; too good not to follow.

Don’t waste your time listening to false praise or distorted criticism. The praise will go straight to your head and the criticism will go directly to your heart. Both will lead you astray and both will damage the work God is doing in you and through you. --Pete Wilson, on his blog Without Wax.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Sunday Evening News

The ten o'clock news reader said,
"The robber crashed open the display case at the XYZ Jewelry store in the ABC mall just before nine o'clock this morning. Security cameras both in the store and on the parking lot captured clear images of the thief as he ran to his car with $25,000 worth of necklaces and bracelets, to make his getaway.

Police will be unable to pursue leads before Tuesday, as Monday is an official holiday, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day."

Really?

Corpus Christi CBS affiliate, January 15, 2012. Edited by me to fit the space alloted.
You can't make this stuff up.
And if my arithmetic is correct, assuming the police "start work" right after coffee and donuts on Tuesday morning, the robber will have had a full forty-eight hours in which to make his escape to ??? One could get to Australia in less than half the time, if he had advance reservations.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Sunday

Today was spent exactly as a "day of rest" should be spent. We rested. Hallelujah!

Friday, January 13, 2012

"I" Never Learn

She: No, I don't remember what we were arguing about.
I: Everything's okay then?
She: That's not what I said.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Got that Right!

Iran: Keep your carrier out of the Gulf. We're not in the business of warning you more than once.

US: Our ships will go anywhere we choose.

I am not a bellicose individual; yet there always comes a point where enough is enough.

Herk's Neighbors

I thought the Bittermans had their problems. Then at the New Year's Eve party the other night, I overheard my wife tell Tildy, "Bob may not be the most handsome or swiftest guy on earth, but he's mine."

I hope she wasn't complaining.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Kyuk, Kyuk

Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. When they were almost there they saw a sign, Disneyland left. They turn around to go back home, crying.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Hang on!

Newscaster: "A new study shows that the middle class is the new poor."

Why is anyone surprised? They can only be surprised because they had their heads in the sand during the entire calendar year 2008 and had zero concept of the meaning of the term "fundamental change."