The Hirsute Manly Man

What is it that makes facial hair fair game? You be clean shaven, or I be ravin’.

In the sartorial realm, mostly if we don’t care for someone’s hairdo or clothing selection, we smile and say nothing. If we really like something, we may pass along a compliment, unless of course we are a “dirty old man” and the recipient of the compliment is a nit twit who thinks everything is harassment.

 But we don’t pass along our distaste for another’s taste. Again, unless of course, the man is bearded, mustachioed, or side-burned. Then you are entitled to express your opinion, no matter how uncomplimentary or derogatory. Thank you very much.

 “You need to trim that beard.” Probably meaning, “Shave it off.”

“I hate handlebar moustaches.” Meaning, “That’s the ugliest thing I ever saw.”
“You are wearing a Fu Manchu? What’s that all about?” Meaning, “That’s the ugliest thing I ever saw.”
"Sideburns? Who are you, Elvis? or are you fighting the Civil War all over again?” Meaning, “Shave it off.”
“A van Dyke?”  Looks like the devil.” Meaning, “You look like the devil.”

 Ladies, scrape your face every day for a half-century or more, or cut us some slack. Every square inch we don’t have to shave is a square inch of relief from agony.