Okay

Mrs. W. (watching a guy on TV back a car in a narrow alley):  I wish I could back like that.

Bob:  You do tend to wander off the drive.  Use your mirrors!

Mrs:  I do; but they don't tell the truth.

Bob:  Well, then, take it VERY slow.

Did ---

You did so.
No, I didn't.
Did too.
Did not.
Yes, you did.
I didn't say that.
Did so.
Did not.
Good night, John Boy.
Good night, Mary Ellen.

Democracy

I despair of the belief that we are capable of selecting our leaders by the electoral process.

Now, what brought that on?

I can't tell you how many times I have heard "He's not in touch with the people," or "He doesn't know how the average Joe lives," or "He lives in another world."  So let me get this straight.  What you want is an "average Joe" as your leader.

Average Joe has an IQ of 100 (by definition).  He has never earned more than $50 grand a year.  AJ, again on average, is a high school graduate, with perhaps a thirteenth year, either in a tech school or a freshman year in a community college.  He has never managed a Kool-Aid stand, much less a business with more than one other employee.  Yet this is what you want for the leadership of the free world?

So we rule out all the rich people, all the smart people, all the people who have actually run something other than the tires off their Chevrolet.

So we should have Joe, or Jolene.

Went to the Box

to get the mail. 
Nothing but a People magazine, which is to say, nothing.
This is a subscription we are comped, and it is worth every penny we pay for it.  And not a penny more.

Eating is Hazardous to Your Health

News flash! (Moments ago on the noon news.)  Your peanut butter may contain a flame retardant H-C-something-something.

So?  I don't want my PB spontaneously combusting in the pantry.  Thanks, Jif, for protecting my property.

Lunch with the President, and the President, and the President

Just heard a report on today's luncheon in the White House where the Obamas will be hosting both former Presidents Bush and their spouses.  "It is closed to the press," said the commentator, "but wouldn't you like to be a fly on the wall?"

Well, no, actually not.  I've seen President Obama's hand-swipe.

The Summer Abroad

Bob:  The granddaughter is flying to Paris today.

Mrs. W:  By herself?

Bob:  Of course.  It'll be great for a 22-year old girl to get away from her helicopter parents.

Mrs. W:  Good Lord.  I'd be scared to death.  I didn't even know how to get on a plane when I was twenty-two.

Bob:  They didn't have planes when you were twenty-two.

And so's the tack hammer.

Where's the tape-measure?
Right in the drawer where it always is.
Which drawer?
The utility drawer in the kitchen.
Oh.

Raise kids to be wealthy.

• Intelligence is overrated.

Teaser on Yahoo! News.

I watched enough of the video to hear that the billionaire woman-person was bragging about being a straight "D" student in high school and college.  Seems good looks and "open eyes" trump brains.  And we didn't already know that?

Fair

An "economic fairness" agenda has emerged as the single, most unifying Democratic idea of the election season. --WaPo 5-15-12

It is not fair for someone to have whatever someone else doesn't have?  I am aftaid I am about to get started.  I can feel my blood simmering, coming to a boil.

Fair, and I repeat myself, is where 4-H kids go to show their pigs and goats.

Oh, you can be so relieved that I restrained myself.