Laughter doeth good like a medicine?

The wife is reading Land of Wolves, by Craig Johnson.  This afternoon as we were sitting in our sun room she got my attention and read a passage to me in which this exchange took place between two of the characters.

 "So what are we doing about the wolf problem?"

"I think the Game and Fish are capturing them, neutering them, then releasing them." 

"They do understand that the problem is the wolves eating the sheep and not screwing them, right?"

I got truly concerned that we were going to be unable to stop the seemingly uncontrollable laughter that ensued

The thought actually crossed my mind that one or both of us might die laughing!

🤩🤩

Super Powers

On the other hand, some of us are not still young, Marcus. In point of fact, we despair of ever achieving super power status. It is sufficient to be able to rise, shower and dress; to then place one foot in front of the other, to find the coffee pot and a mug. Fly? I think not. In the dreams and fantasies of our youth, we moved the earth, we conquered worlds. We are fortunate indeed to have lived a life in which we did not provide serious impediment to the progress of society. "Lead, follow, or get out of the way". Some of us exercised sufficient "powers" to stay out of the way.

We, too, merit recognition.

Cartoon: Foxtrot by Bill Amend

[Thanks to STSTT, 2010.]

How Art Happens

I:  (After sitting for excruciatingly long minutes working across the table from her.) There. I finished the picture for the Christmas greeting.

She: Looks like the work of a six-year old.

I: That hurts my feelings.  (Not kidding.)  Look at it again.  What do you see?

She: A palm tree and a guy on a camel.

I: (Feeling validated.) Exactly!

She:  Okay; eight-year old, then.  So if that is a wise man, where are the other two?

I:  Read the bubble. (Holding it closer to her.)

She:  Hey.  Wait up!

I: It was easier than trying to draw three wise men.

Reading at the Mall

Barn-like store, huge.  I am sitting on a bench just inside the exit.  It is pouring rain outside.  I am reading a book.  The Missus is shopping.

A man, forty-something, bearded, ball-cap, five-six and one-forty-five, approaches the door which opens automatically, two women behind him with gigantic carts piled high with cheap crap.

Woman on the left hollers at man, "Where's your phone?"

Man stops, turns, "In my pocket!"

Woman, "Don't sit on it!"

Man retorts, but by this time I am laughing so hard I can't make out his words.

Man shoots me a look; I raise the book, "Funny book, very funny!"

Surely he couldn't see that the book was about the Holocaust.

Lunch with the President, and the President, and the President

Just heard a report on today's luncheon in the White House where the Obamas will be hosting both former Presidents Bush and their spouses.  "It is closed to the press," said the commentator, "but wouldn't you like to be a fly on the wall?"

Well, no, actually not.  I've seen President Obama's hand-swipe.

The Summer Abroad

Bob:  The granddaughter is flying to Paris today.

Mrs. W:  By herself?

Bob:  Of course.  It'll be great for a 22-year old girl to get away from her helicopter parents.

Mrs. W:  Good Lord.  I'd be scared to death.  I didn't even know how to get on a plane when I was twenty-two.

Bob:  They didn't have planes when you were twenty-two.

Energy Memo

Panel, "fair and balanced" of course, discussing Secretary Chu's policies with regard to promotion of "renewable sources."

One of the panelists, in her summary, said that if Secretary Chu is sincere, he should give up his car, and plastics, and his crayons.

"Crayons?" exclaimed Megan. "Then how would he write his memos to the President?"

Social

The evening social was scheduled for 5:30 and I arrived a few minutes early. Though some tables were filling up, I selected a seat at a thus-far vacant table. But soon others began to sit nearby. A couple came in, sat directly across. I introduced myself, as did the gentleman. The lady radiated chill, and the sniff was nearly audible. I said, We can move if someone else sits here." "No, no," she said. "That's all right." We start to get up, but the gentleman says, "Set your a$$ down. No one owns this table." "Well," she says, " we have been sitting here for twenty-one years." (Emphasize "have" as you read that.)

This is a "social" but not necessarily a sociable!

Here's a Quarter

I have been reduced to stealing from others. Well, no. Attribution included. My mind is still working fine, except for the creative mill part of it.

The instrument that would measure my level of caring does not yet exist.
--Pearl, the funniest blogger in Minnesota, and perhaps in all the Midwest.

Visit Pearl. http://pearl-whyyoulittle.blogspot.com/

At Home in the Holler

I was fourteen. Mom and Dad were gone for the day. I was rummaging through drawers and stuff in the interest of learning, don't you know. I came upon a birth certificate in the name of Wallace Wright. But the birthdate was mine, and father's name was "Wallace Wright, jr."

It's the first I ever knew I had any name but Junior, because I was always called: "Junior Junior." I knew Dad's name was Junior. But Wallace? I'm Wallace? Well, I'm glad no one knows that; I'll just go on being Junior Junior.

ZTR, I Hope

The accented English of Deep South Texas is not unpleasant to the ear. It is quite easily understood, and yet there are certain quirks that evoke images not intended by the speaker. For example, there is a car dealership that runs ads on TV touting its service department. The gentleman tells us that when you bring your veekle in for service, they will "put you in a lawner, and you can be on your way."

On your way, in my mind's eye, to mow your lawn.

We Need Will Rogers Today

Yesterday I promised a sampler of Will Rogers' wit.

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie' until you can find a rock."

"Our constitution protects aliens, drunks, and U.S. Senators."

"There's no trick to being a humorist when you've got the government working for you."

To which I say, Well, nowadays the government is not working for me so much as I am working for the government. That's not funny.

Clearly

Chrchcurmudgeon posted this to Twitter:

This year's halftime entertainment is just two years away from getting a discount on a Filet-o-Fish and a cup of coffee.

47 Varieties

While watching a clip on TV of a very clever dog performing cute tricks, The Missus said, “Those Heinz 47 dogs are often smarter than the purebreds.” I had heard her use the expression a few days ago, but I did not want to correct her in front of others; but in the privacy of the kitchen, I said, “That would be Heinz 57.” She replied, “Well, it was only 47 when I was young.” Yikes! I am married to a woman so old she can remember when Heinz had only 47 varieties. Double yikes. I am older than she.

Shopping

While sitting on the bench at Wal-Mart waiting for a script to be filled, I got to watching the people. I thought about “The People of Wal-Mart” forwards I get via email. Then I realized, “My spats and gaiters! I am the people of Wal-Mart."

Kyuk, Kyuk

Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. When they were almost there they saw a sign, Disneyland left. They turn around to go back home, crying.

Man goes to doctor; comes home without shirt.

However this might be taken, in this case it is literal. Removed my shirt in dermatologist's exam room. When ready to leave, put on jacket, forgot shirt. Didn't even realize this until I was home, removed jacket and wondered why it was so chilly in the house.

And I really like that shirt, too. But it's a seventy-mile roundtrip. Oh, well.

Teehee

News reader: President Obama will speak in Ossa-wuh-tom'-ee, Kansas tomorrow.
(That would be Osawatomie, I assume.)
No reason an East-Coast type should know it is Ossa-wah'-ta-mee, but don't they have a gazetteer, or dictionary, or something?

[No reason I should know, either, except that a)I have lived in Kansas; and b)I have a good friend who was from Osawatomie.]

Sports Report

Colts three-point underdog for bye week.

Indiana HS semi-state football tourney to be played at 78 sites; 39 State Champions will emerge next week-end!
Move afoot to create 308 classes; everyone a champion.

tuesday's child is full of grace

I: (Looking at 2012 calendar) My birthday is on Thursday next year. I was born on Thursday. She: Really? I don't know the day of the week I was born. I: You were born on Tuesday. She: How would you know that? I: Your name is Grace, isn't it? She: So?

"Monday's child is fair of face
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day
Is bonny and blithe and good and gay."

(Checking with a perpetual calendar, I verified that she was born on Tuesday.)