Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Believe the News, But Verify

Heard a snippet on a news channel about "college students who are protesting failure of health insurance to provide contraceptives."

My thoughtless thought, before investigation, was, "Yeah, I favor the insurance company buying their contraceptives-- to the exact same extent that insurance bought mine when I was young."

Truth: Fordham University has a policy (about which an enrollee should be familiar before registering) based on official Catholic doctrine (it is a Catholic school) against providing or paying for contraception. (I have truncated this, but that is the nub.)

What? You are enrolling at Fordham and you don't know it is a Catholic school. Give me a break.

Same people who take their news from TV without question.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011


About to go to bed. No where else to go, what with all the snow. News says the backup on US 31 is "miles long" and people are running out of gas while sitting. That would be what? Zero mpg.

At least we have power. Same news said there were "thousands" without power in the vicinity.

Rain would have worked. Oh, wait. We had buckets and buckets of rain before it turned to snow. Witness the ponds in the back yard. No, they are snow covered now, too.

Hope the wind dies down soon.

Professional Conflict

Spouse (filling her meds strips): P__. Isn't that the one they said was bad?
I: Who said?
She: The TV. Bad drug.
I: The lawyers advertising on TV. Who you gonna take your medical advice from, your doctor or a lawyer?
She: Both, maybe.
I: If I need medical advice I'm gonna take it from my doctor. In fact, if I need legal advice I may take it from my doctor.

Monday, November 28, 2011

She Got That Right

Spouse: Please shut that off.
I: But how can Bob Warr come up with smart-alecky comments for the blog if the news isn't on?
She: I get so tired of that stuff. Why are we giving them twenty million dollars, and they don't even like us?
I: See. There's the comment!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

I'm Fried

A friend wrote:

I woke up,
I lifted my arms,
I moved my knees,
I turned my neck...

Everything made the same noise:


I came to a conclusion
I am not old,

Happens to me every morning. I must be pretty near "done."

Friday, November 25, 2011

Not to Worry

As Lucy Van Pelt theorizes: The world can't come to an end today, because it is already tomorrow in some other part of the world.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

And a Little Farther Down the Road

I: When did ugly become the new beautiful?
She: What are you talking about?
I: Look at these cars. They're all just ugly. Why have auto designers done this?
Look at that one passing us. It looks like a piece of turd.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

On The Road

Spouse: There's another dead deer. Third one in the last ten miles.
I: They're a real menace everywhere.
She: They ought to allow shooting them any time, not just during a "season."
I: As we allowed the killing of bison?
She: The Indians depended on them for their livelihood, and we hunted them almost to extinction.
I: So we learned our lesson.
She: Yes, how to defeat the Indians.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


[Obama] is Jimmy Carter on steroids. -O. North 11/22/11

--see vanilla's post, three years ago today. Remember, after the election, before the inauguration.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Super Duds

Select from a pool of 535 hammerheads a group of twelve and they will come up with a rational solution to the problem. No. You will simply have a smaller pool of hammerheads.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Sports Report

Colts three-point underdog for bye week.

Indiana HS semi-state football tourney to be played at 78 sites; 39 State Champions will emerge next week-end!
Move afoot to create 308 classes; everyone a champion.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Mea Culpa, or Not

“final decisions on Solyndra were mine, and I made them with the best interest of the taxpayer in mind.” -Energy Secretary Steven Chu

"Solyndra makes Watergate look like child's play." -Rep. Michele Bachmann

...and what Bob said last month.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

"If a man falls from a plane in the middle of the night
only God can lift him up..."

(from "Born to Dream")
Israeli Poet Dahlia Ravikovitch
Nov 17, 1936 - Aug 21, 2005

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

tuesday's child is full of grace

I: (Looking at 2012 calendar) My birthday is on Thursday next year. I was born on Thursday. She: Really? I don't know the day of the week I was born. I: You were born on Tuesday. She: How would you know that? I: Your name is Grace, isn't it? She: So?

"Monday's child is fair of face
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day
Is bonny and blithe and good and gay."

(Checking with a perpetual calendar, I verified that she was born on Tuesday.)

Monday, November 14, 2011

Hoosiers, California Style

Scene from The Closer:

Boy: We used to go hiking in Poke-a-GON' State Park back home in Indiana.

Hey, Hollywood: In Indiana we say Po-KAY'-gun.

Do you remember when you set a sitcom in Terra Hut? At the very least, call someone who has been in Indiana.
Spelling: Pokagon; Terre Haute

Sunday, November 13, 2011

I Di'n't Say That

Bagger: Paper or plastic?

Guy in front of me: Surprise me. I'm bisacksual.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Political Survey

Is this David?
Would you participate in a brief political survey?
First question. Do you think President Obama is doing a good job? Press 1 for "yes." Press 2 for "no."
(Presses 2)
Question two. Do you believe the country is headed in the right direction? Press...yadayada.
(Presses 2)
What is your party affiliation? Press 1 for "democrat" (of course); Press 2 for "republican;"press 3 for "independent;" press 4 for "other."
(Presses 3)

Friday, November 11, 2011

Trojan Horse, Anyone?

Spouse, watching a "Life Lock" commercial: Do we have our computer protected to where people can't get into it?

I: We have it protected to where even I can't get into it, I've installed so many layers of protection.

Economic Reality

The Fed says we are not in inflation. I say, "Ben Bernanke, come to the grocery store with me." --Gerri Willis

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Traffic? Normal.

You know that Chicago traffic is bad when the lady beside you on the highway is knitting. You know it is REALLY bad when you pass her again in three miles and she is trying on her new sweater!

--Nephew Merrill, who lives in Elmhurst and works downtown.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

More Horse Hockey

Crap. Here we go again. We "gained an hour" this morning. We did not. We simply inflicted on ourselves the second half of the hour wasted resetting all the clocks in the house. (I count sixteen, not including the watches in the drawer that are not in use at the time.) "At the time." Get it?

Saturday, November 5, 2011

First She Says She Will, Then She Won't

"That woman," said Herk, "is gonna be the death of me. Yesterday she liked it, today she doesn't."

"So," said I, "everyone knows it is a woman's prerogative to change her mind."

"Inconsistency your name is woman!" Herk left the garage shaking his head.

I did not tell Herk, but my wife often says, "The only thing I am consistent about is being inconsistent." And that's the truth.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Dang, I'm Good!

Uncle Edgster says, "Never underestimate your ability to overestimate your ability."*

I attribute the proclivity of the young to do just that to the "positive-self-esteem, you-can-be-anything-you-want" horse hockey they are being taught these days.

*The Edge, in The Oregonian

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Addressing Responsibility

Bruce Wydick, Professor of Economics at San Francisco University wrote,

"Like most protests, the Occupy Wall Street folks are better at identifying something that is wrong than identifying a way forward that is right.

"The Occupy Wall Street movement shares more than it would like to admit with the Tea Party, its populist complement on the right. Rather than taking the approach of self-reflection and personal ownership of sin that Jesus imparts to his followers, each of these movements seeks to externalize blame onto a culpable Other. It is Immigrants or Muslims or Obamacare or Greedy Corporations or Corrupt Wall Street Financiers who are to blame for our problems. But obviously not … Us."

The article from which I extracted these quotes appeared here and it is a bit long, but well worth the time it takes to read it. Only serious-minded people need apply.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

President Obama Waves...

...his magic wand, er, ah, pen. With the stroke of his mighty pen the president yesterday resolved the "drug shortage" crisis.

Remember that in 1952 President Truman seized the steel industry? (Like he could run the blast furnaces from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?) The Supreme Court of the United States ruled that the President had not the power to do this.

I wonder where the Supreme Court is today.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Billions Yet to Come

Yesterday, we are told, the population of the earth surpassed seven billion persons. The hand- wringers moan that the planet will not be able to support us. Which is absurd. Though it is not equitably distributed, there is food enough for everyone and more. The waste is unbelievably huge. Space? Arithmetic will show that seven billion people could be contained in a space the size of Texas at a density comparable to that of present-day density of NYC.

Yea! for the world. Yea! for mankind. Let's go; let's grow. But let's become more responsible, more caring.