Friday, September 30, 2011

Interpret This

I dreamed about my dad's hometown last night. I have been there but once in "real life" and I was trying to pick out the landmarks that he had mentioned. In my dream, I mean. I talked to some old lady about 85 years old who would have been a baby when Dad left that town. The town was (in the dream) just as Dad described it; but when I awakened I couldn't recall that he had ever told me any of those details.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Just Rolling Along

A local dealer assures us via his tv spots that he has the best selection of quality veekles in the area. He refers to these veekles three times in his 20-second spot.

Anyone in the market for a veekle?

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Animal Behavior

I went into the kitchen to get a refill in the coffee mug. When I returned to the dining room, the "guest" dog was standing atop the table. One rather expects such socially unacceptable behavior from cats, but from a dog?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Monday, September 26, 2011

Get Caffeinated!

Study indicates women who drink four or more cups of regular coffee per day may have 20% less chance of depression.

Go for it!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Three-day Reprieve

Herk came over and told me he just sent Tildy to a three-day stress management seminar, said, "I feel less stressed already!"

Wish I could say the same.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Thursday, September 22, 2011

What's Happening?

On String Too Short to Tie this morning I explained what is going on here in Perfect.

Herk Bitterman will still be around on Saturdays.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Here We Go Again

September 21, 2011 6:09:06 PM

The House rejected a resolution Wednesday to fund the government through Nov. 18.


The aches and pains keep me aware that I'm still alive and breathing. They remind me to be grateful for the long life and the hope for tomorrow.

--Bob Warr

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Rain on My Parade

I have to get off this now and drive thirty-five miles to visit with a surgeon.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Kids Messing With Buddy's Mind

"Four score and seven years ago, I kissed Emily Costa," said the kid portraying Lincoln.
Last time I attempted to act in a play, I did just as well. I was terrified and would have said anything to get off stage. And likely did. I don't remember.
--Bob Warr

Sunday, September 18, 2011


"I wish that preacher would cut it off. Second Sunday in a row the Methodists have beat us to the Brunch Buffet."
"Looka that, hadda wait seventeen minutes for a table."
"Oh, wow! You shoulda seen that game last night. Double overtime and we didn't get home until midnight. What excitement! And we won!"

Saturday, September 17, 2011

The Bittermans Play Jeopardy

The Jeopardy answer was, "This student of Socrates founded an academy in Athens in 327 B.C."
"Who is Plato?" said Tildy.
"I thought Plato was stuff in cans that kids play with," retorted Herkimer.
"Ha ha," Tildy replied.

Herk was not joking. He is clueless in, oh, so many ways.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Spongebob Squeezed Dry

Study suggests that watching just nine minutes of "Spongebob Squarepants" can cause short term attention and learning problems in four-year olds.*--News article

If the kid isn't watching this because he's stupid, not to worry, it will make him stupid.

*Have to wonder what the "researchers" have been watching.

Thursday, September 15, 2011


Niece got a new bicycle. I am happy for her. More speeds than Baskin-Robbins has flavors, more money than I have in my checking account. So I was thinking as I rode my bicycle to town. Same protocol as my first bike. 26" one-speed, coaster brake. You wanna go faster, you pedal faster. You want to stop, you pedal backwards. Simple. I can understand that. And I can still do the mechanical work.*

*Although last time I lubed her, I dropped the little balls out of the front race. Had a dickens of a time finding them all on the garage floor.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


event, n. pl. events White House press release term meaning nothing is happening, there is nothing to say, but the President will be there saying it. The President will speak this afternoon at a Rose Garden event.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Football, You Bet!

What's the black thing under their eyes for?

What's that heavy material up their butts? To keep their crack from showing?

Why's all that material wrapped around their arms?

Staps on his biceps are digging a hole in his arm.

I bet it really hurts to wear that plastic cup.

What is the point? They flip a coin at the beginning, it hits the ground and then for two hours they're trying to "get the quarter back"?

I used to be quite a fan of college football, especially on Saturday afternoons in the fall. I haven't watched it much the past few years, for my Beloved Beautiful Better Half has, well, zero interest in sports. You know the saying "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"? Okay, I try to do the right thing. But switcheroo! Saturday she made an effort to "help me watch football." And thus the observations in the opening lines here.

Monday, September 12, 2011


If I am to maintain this blog in the spirit in which it was conceived I will need to carry a pen and note pad with me at all times. I hear these outrageous comments by politicians, pundits and others on the toob and think, "Aha! That will go on BW'nPF." And yet by the time I sit down at the computer, I have forgotten the specific words.* Yes, I remember who said it and the gist of what was said, but if one cannot quote accurately, he can but misquote; and that is a form of misrepresentation that I won't engage in.

So I console myself with the knowledge that you probably heard it too, or something at least as foolish, for there is more than enough foolishness to go around.

A recent discussion, for example, centered around the question, "Recycle or Recovery?" It was about ideas, not aluminum cans.

*Just as I often think of something I want to google, can't remember what it was when at computer.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Be of Good Courage

From Psalm 27

1: The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
14: Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Now, That's Shopping!

Tildy came home from shopping a bit shaken. "I was mugged on Second Avenue," she told Herk. "He took my purse, everything. My phone, my billfold, Mother's meds.
"My, gosh," said Herk. "I'm glad you're okay, but we've got to call the card companies."
"Oh, don't worry, that's not a problem. I maxed both of them out on stuff I ordered at Tiffany's and Saks."

Friday, September 9, 2011


The harder you fall, the harder it is to get up.

Did you break something? Would have been nice could you have broken the fall.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

He DQed Too Early

Local Dairy Queen truly RiDQulous. Seven o'clock this morning a young man drove his car right through the wall and into the dining area.

Manager says drive-thru will be opened soon. DQing in, not quite so soon.

...and the Next President Is...

The campaign is officially underway. As though it hadn't been underway since the tally was taken at the last election.

To be a candidate, one must

  1. have chutzpah, and

  2. more chutzpah; and

  3. be good looking, and

  4. have lots of OPM; and

  5. have even more of OPM, and

  6. be totally unctious; and

  7. be completely self-absorbed and yet

  8. be able to convince voters that s/he cares about them.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Be Happy

Being rich is life's greatest booby prize. --Jim Koch

(One wonders, though, if it might be easier for the rich to say such things.)

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


My observation leads me to the conclusion that there are two types of American families: dysfunctional and alienated. In a dysfunctional family at least something is still going on.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Not Kidding

A President needs political understanding to run the government, but he may be elected without it.
--Harry S. Truman

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Cortisone, Girth, and Exile

It seems that Tildy told Herk that the ambient noise created by the TV being on all the time was causing her to gain weight. Some quasi-scientific mumbo-jumbo about cortisone, yakkety-yak. Herk told her that her knife and fork were causing her to gain weight. So Herkimer is over here in my garage watching me work.

Friday, September 2, 2011


Everybody who thinks he is anybody writes a memoir, some even though they are not possibly old enough to have lived a sufficient time in which to accrue wisdom and/or knowledge in large enough store to provide material for a memoir. But on to my point.

Certain recent memoirists seem to believe that they can make themselves bigger by cutting their peers off at the knees.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

What d'ya Know?

I possess a vast store of ignorance, much larger than my body of knowledge.

A veritable treasure-trove of not-knowing.